Is that Love or Stupidity?

I am so glad that I keep this blog away from my friends, otherwise I will not be able to write this post.

K and I went for a dinner last night. We dined at this Jazz bar/restaurant that I found online. The place looked a little sketchy, which made me a bit nerves before I walk in (that's the thing about trying new restaurant you found with your friend), but the food and music turned out to be rather lovely, especially the music, it was like jazz mixed with Spanish guitar, I had nothing to complain except the crappy stage.

However, with such beautiful music, I still couldn't loosen up my mind to enjoy the night, mostly because of K's stressful talk about his recent life. I knew he desperately wanted to share his stressful stories with me from the day that he asked me to have this dinner with him, but i just didn't anticipate the talk would be that stressful. First, He told me a whole bunch of incidents about how he got verbal abuses from his homophobic co-workers, which is sucks enough, then he told me about his psycho roommate who would steal his food and throw away this cooking utensils. The thing that really got me while I was listening to his stories was the fact that he had never done anything about it, he just let shit happen to him. Every time I asked him why he didn't fight for himself he has his perfect explanation of why he shouldn't. Okay, I understand when he said he doesn't want to make his boss his enemy, but what about his crazy roommate? To be honest, I think this is simply because of his cowardliness. I particularly hate when people just bitch about situations that they had never even try to solve it or fight for it in any way. After all, I think there is no one he could blame but himself in such case.

Then he started talked about his boyfriend, which is the whole point of having this dinner. The story is not that impressive or complex after all. His boyfriend cheated on him, like many others, with tons of guys that he met online. K went to his boyfriend's place to stay over few days ago and discovered all the erotic conversations that his boyfriend stored in his computer by accident (really?). I just couldn't understand why guys would do that, bring the trophy of cheating home right in front of their partners face as if they are blind or something, where's their brain? Oops I almost forgot guys don't actually think with with brain. Obviously, his boyfriend couldn't denied that fact that he had met guys online and had those conversations with those internet boys since there are evidences, but, unsurprisingly, he denied having sex with anyone of them, despite he had actually scheduled the date with his online mates and mentioned about having lube and condom in those conversations. K told me he believes his boyfriend might actually telling the truth. However, I think that is what K wants to believe, but actually believing. Then he told me about how he also cheated on his boyfriend once as well, what a surprise, therefore he wants to forgive his boyfriend on this one, which he already did. However, I think K is making a huge logical mistake here. The fact K had also cheated doesn't means that he should tolerant his boyfriend's cheating. They both did something wrong, individually, and they shouldn't be in the same equation and able to balance out, they should be deal with separately. But apparently K's brain doesn't function like that. One thing about this incident is now K starts to worry about his health because he and his boyfriend never used condom during their love making. He told me he wants to have body check since only god knows how many guys that K's boyfriend had fucked with unsafely when they are together and before they are together. I asked K if he would continue to let his boyfriend fuck him without a condom in the future. I proposed two questions to him. First one, "If you starts asking him to put on a condom every time he fucks you, then are you ready for the challenge of being accused of not trusting his boyfriend anymore?". Second question, "If you continues to let him fuck you bareback, you are actually putting yourself in a very dangerous position of getting STD and HIV, why do you want to do that?" he told me he does't know how to answer either questions and he only knows he really love his boyfriend.

Letting your boyfriend fuck you raw might be because of ignorant, but letting your boyfriend fuck you raw after knowing he is one of those high risk people then you are nothing but a stupid dumb-fuck. Don't use Love to camouflage your stupidity, love is so much greater then that.

Guys, especially the gay ones, don't trust anyone, use a condom.

what should I do (part 2)

5th Dec 2009, Saturday, Cold

I went to the same club alone again. I guess its was still a little bit early when I got there, there wasn't many people in the club at the time. I was drinking and dancing, then this red Hollister shirt guy (RHG) approached me. he looked quite cute in the club and It didn't take more then the one song for us to went from just staring each other to start dancing together. Four songs later we started kissing. Everything went fine until I saw AM and his friend again. At the moment, AM was looking at me, right into my eyes. Suddenly, this huge guiltiness just exploded in my head and I can't explain why. When AM looked at me, he looked at me as if i did something wrong. I tried to look at AM few times while I was dancing with RHG and every time I did I got the same look in return then I would look at the floor. I have to admit that I was so annoyed but intrigued by the whole situation and I would love to know what's in AM's mind. However, I had my RHG at the time and I can't just simply push him away since I kind of picked him too when he approached me. Therefore that night, AM and I still hadn't talked. Around 1 am, RHG asked me if i want to go to his place, the signal is obvious, and I agreed.

I was nervous indeed, not only because I've never done one-night-stand before but also because of I do not have a lot sex experience (yes, sadly). I always told myself ONS is not something wrong/ugly/dirty and it just a way that people use to fulfill their sexual need as long as they are consensual and they think they can handle the emotion fluctuation after doing it. Therefore, I thought that might be the time I should experience it.

"hey, I just want to let you know I might not be able to do that because I didn't have a lot of experience" I didn't say that to pretend to be innocent, I said that as I meant it because the last time I tried to have anal sex I had to tell that guy to pull it out after he just put his glans penis in. That's how untrained my body is.

"it's okay" he said it and looked at me, "we don't have to do it if you don't want to"

"no, i want to, it jsut.... i dont know if i could take it"

Then I went to his place and started making out on his bed. We jerked each other off for awhile then he asked me if he could top me while his put his erected penis against my butt.

However, he didn't, he just didn't. I asked him why but he didn't answer. I am not sure if it was because I hesitated when I answered his question. He just kept jerking me and he seemed like he just want the whole thing to finish. However, the thing is, I can't cum when I feel pressure (because i feel like he just want my to cum and finish the act). Therefore I stopped him and asked him if he need to work the next day. He said yes and I suggested that I might just go home. He agreed and walk me home. I do think that's quite nice of him to walk me home.

I actually think that is the best possible way of how this ONS story should end since I did try to have it (ONS) and I realized ONS is not for me and I realize it before i actually got fucked by someone I don't know so well.

but, i still don't understand why didn't he do it.........hmmmm.........any thoughts?

Love her speech

what should I do (part1)

Lets go clubbing!!! arr.....not this kind

yea, what should I do?

Do you guys still remember I was writing about this annoying dude 3 weeks ago? Actually there were more happened that night...

I actually saw this two guys that the club as well that night. One of them is an Asian mix white and the other one is a white. that They look like they are in their thirties and both of them are quite masculine (I dont usually really like masculine guys but they do look quite nice) and the fact that they acted quite shy made they even cuter. I personally prefer the white one and I noticed both of them did looked at me occasionally that night especially that Asian mix (I'm going to call him AM in post). In fact, I drew quite a few attentions that night, I can't help to think if that was because I look different since I've been working out. I was kinda wait for AM to talk to me so I dance quite close to him, in fact, we were actually dance back to back. however, this annoying duge suddenly appeared and ruin the whole thing (if you want to know more about that incident, click here). When that duge tried to flirt with me and even wanted to kiss me, AM was just dancing right beside me. I had to literally push that duge away when he leaned towards me and tried to kiss me (an other strong reason for me to push him away is to prove to AM and his friend i am not a slut, lol). AM were witnessing the whole thing. That was pretty dramatic indeed. Me and AM ended didn't talking to each other that night and I was a bit disappointed...

I thought the story would end there, but its not, i saw him in the club 2 weeks later, which I am going to talk about it in the next post, stay tuned...

quite like this song recently

Arrrr........a weird sex dream..........

It's been awhile since last time I had a sex dream (by the way, i have never had a wet dream). Anyway, although this is obviously not the first time I have a sex dream, this time is a bit different then those ones i had before. Those sex dreams i used to have are mostly about me and my boyfriends or some faceless man. However, this time, was with one of my friend, a guy who is 5 years younger then me. I met this guy a year ago in school when I still had my computer monitor job. He often come to the computer lab and talk to me about some computer/computer game problem. He is absolutely great to hang out with and once he starts talking nothing can shut him up (sometimes it gets quite annoying). I have a feeling that he really likes me as a friend but the thing is I really don't not know deal with guys, especially younger guys. He tried to invite me to his house parties several times but I turned him down with no reasons (i dont know why). I am quite attracted to him because of his big personality, which is something I don't have and I desperately need. However, a younger dude like that is just not in my consideration at all, oh, did i mentioned that he is straight?

ANYWAY

yes, I had a sex dream about me and him. The dream was rather weird (how often do we experience "real" dreams in our life? I wonder), I appeared in this 60's looking, heavily industrialized area then i see this huge red industrialize colossus (please don't ask me whats a industrialized colossus like, i really can not describe) and I knew I have to destroy it (yea, this dream is heavily inspired by the video game "Shadow of the Colossus"). anyway, then i started to infiltrate into this colossus and suddenly I found this red shower room inside that colossus (how sexy). Then i saw him and we started making out. The sex was not clear what so ever (I am glad) and it ended pretty fast, the most weird thing about this dream is after we had sex he cut off his penis. It was rather big I have to say (LOL), I was so shocked I asked him what was he doing and he just told me it was fine and it would grow back (like a earth worm), I was scared indeed then I woke up.

colossus in the video "Shadow and colossus"

What's wrong with me? Do I actually have a crush on him that i don't even realize?? Whatever, I wish my next sex dream would be about me and some cute celebrities I like, like Ewan McGregor, Andy Samberg, Gerard Butler, Colin Firth...etc