House party

I went to a house party with Jo yesterday. Jo is a 24 white guy who apparently really likes me but he is a mental adolescent. We've been through lots of stupid dramas already. He begged me to give him a chance few weeks ago and eventually I've decided to give it a shot and was going to tell him that last night. But did I tell him? no. Why? Please keep reading.

He called me yesterday telling me he cancelled the plan to go to out of town and asked me if I want to hang out with him in his friend's house party. I said yes and I thought that would be a good chance to tell him we should date. So we went. The house party was just soso therefore we decided to go to a 90's rock club/disco (I have no idea what that kind of places called actually). We danced in the club and I was sitting down on the chair for the most of the time since I was actually exhausted because I work out for 2 hours in that afternoon. We're all drunk, then Jo started to dance with this Asian gay guy. I didn't really give a fuck about that actually. However when I started dancing again jo immediately switched to dance with me and wanted to kiss me. I stopped him and tell him if he wants to date we should not kiss at all, which make sense right?. Half an hour later I felt like I can't take it any more I really needed to sleep so I hug everyone goodbye and left. When I told Jo that I was going to leave, he said, "if you are going now then we are done" WTF? What is that mean? we are done? what is done? Why my exhaustion is related to something getting done? Do I give a fuck about whatever got done? no, so I left

The next day, which is today, he came by to pick up the bag that he left in my place before we went to the house party yesterday. He looked pissed. I didn't really understand that because it doesn't seem he should be the one to be upset, the one who is upset should be me right? I was threatened when I wanted to leave and he wasn't try to understand that I am human too and I could be tired. I asked him why he look pissed and he told me it is because I was acting grumpy last night. He thought I was mad about him dancing with that Asian gay guy, but sadly, the truth is I actually didn't give a fuck. I was just TIRED! damn it! For him, the only one reason why I wanted left must be because of him, what a self-centered guy. The interesting thing is, if he think dancing with an other guy is not appropriate to do in front of me, why would he do it? "I was going to tell you we should date, but you ruin it last night", I was going to say that to him, but I swallowed it down when I about to. I didn't want him feel worse then he already was.

Why am I being stupid.

this is one of the pictures of me I look after my hair cut and hair dye

I went to have a hair cut last week and I dyed my hair the following day, into a much lighter brown. Thanks for my light skin tone, it doesn't look that awkward on me. After all the transformation my hair had I felt like I should have a new hair style. Therefore the following day I put jel on my hair and made it in Faux Hawk style. I told W that and he immediately asked me to show him my hair on web cam. However, once he saw my hair he sent me this guy's picture, yes, It's Gok Wan (this is the picture he sent me). I didn't know who the hell he was until W explained me. In my opinion, I think he is a very ugly guy and I thought that was a horrible joke to make to a guy who just tried to have a new hair style.

I have to say I have very low self-esteem and It took lots of my courage to try a new hairstyle. I felt like shit when he told me I looked like him. He told me it was just a joke later on but it obviously didn't make me feel any better. I was extremely pissed and I told him I had to hang up on skype with a random reason. I can't get over the all I look like gok wan thing so I sent the following message to him on facebook the that night.

"You are the one who asked me to show my hair to you on cam, but you immediately make fun of me when you see it. I don't understand why you think its funny. It actually hurts"

Then he replied, " sorry - didn't mean to hurt you - i was just being dumb. I really like your hair like that anyway"

I talked to Ri the other day. She said something that I would have said to myself. She told me I shouldn't have acted that uptight and just laughed about it. I can't help to feel like I was being a defensive drama queen... I know it was not very cool but I just can't control it.I was bothered by that for days and eventually I sent him an email yesterday telling him that I am sorry too, for being overacting...

I don't know what I am doing.....I don't know why I still give a shit.....and it's painful

God, could you help me? could you help me to stop loving him?

What happened between me and P after all the drama, Something between me and W

We didn't work out.

He came to Toronto to visit me 2 week after I left montreal. We talked every day online before he came. Everything was fine when he was here, we didn't even have any argument, but we just felt distanced which we both couldn't figure out why. a week later he told me he kissed someone in the club and we should be friend. I was not surprised, yet I was very disappointed and upset, especially after all the dramas. When he told me he likes me in Montreal, I really thought he is the one.

I talked to W about that incident later on. Usually we wouldn't talk about things like that, but I really needed some consolation at that time. Since we opened the "dating topic", we talked about more about our dating life. He told me he had dated twice after we broke up last year and he also confessed to me that he has an other facebook account that he use to talk to other people, especially his gay friends. I was mad, but I can't found a reason to blame him. He told me the reason he didn't want me to know that account is because he doesn't want me to be mad. I don't know if that explanation make sense at all, but I didn't say anything. Then he added me on that account and all I saw on this wall were messages that left by this japanese guy who he used to date long time ago. And In fact, this japanese guy just went to visit him few weeks ago, I was jealous, but, what I could do?

A very long story in Montreal - Day 5, 6 and 7

I was talking to my friend K, which is one of my very good friends who would read my blog regularly, the other night. I realized I missed some of the informations in my previous posts. First, M is a Hong Konger, Asian and P is a French Canadian, white. I guess it makes more sense why M is so jealous of me since we are both asian.

Day 5, 21th, Sunday

We went out together to shop for some ingredients I needed to make that day's supper. We all pretended nothing had happened, especially me and P, we didn't even talk when P's around. We (P and M and B and one of M's friend and me) played card games again after supper and P was kicking me under the table the whole time. P actually needed to write an exam the next day, but he insisted to stay playing cards with us and I knew he was doing that for me, I did feel a bit guilty but I didn't want him to go back to his room either. We played until we can't even move, It was a really nice night.

Day 6, 22th, Monday

I woke up without M sleeping next to me. I saw P in his room preparing his paper then I asked him where was everyone Me and P had a small chat before he when for the exam and he told me he would definitely fail the exam but it's okay. Since I knew P actually doesn't like M that much, it's actually really hard for me to understand why M would just sleep in P's room. Therefore I asked M why would he do that (sleeping in your roommate's room) carefully that night. Then M told me proudly that he do it all the time and trying to tell my how close they are again. I felt very bad for him because of that. M is so obsessed with P and he doesn't P doesn't like him at all.

Day 7, 23th, Monday

This was the day I need to go back. I am sure M was waiting for that day so badly. In the other hand, it was a sad day for me and P, especially we can have a a proper goodbye since M is around.

he texted me "I miss you already" as soon as I get on the bus...

A very long story in Montreal - Day 4

Continuing...

A very long story in Montreal - Day 1, 2 & 3

A very long story in Montreal - Day 3 (part 2)

Day 4, 20th, Saturday

I felt so tired when I woke up. It felt like I didn't sleep at all. When M saw me woke up he gave me this a calm smile and a hug, but I knew it wasn't all sincere, he was just trying to be calm. However, to me, I really didn't care if his smile is real or not, I just wanted to get things over with and at least he was trying. However, I still didn't feel very comfortable around the house since I thought both P and M hated me, so I went out. I kept wandering around the downtown montreal for hours and by the time I went back to their place was around 5 p.m.. When I get back to that place I saw P was getting really to go out. Then M told me that P needed to work that night so we would just go clubbing with him and B. I wasn't that surprised that P decided to go to work rather then hang out with us since what had happened, but I was really surprised that we were still going to clubbing at all that night.

So, I came up a plan

A plan that I thought it would weaken the impact of that had happen. I decided to act like a whore in the club and kiss whoever so M would think I am a slut and the kiss that I had with P was just a causal kiss that doesn't mean anything to us. Since I thought they hate me anyway, I really don't think I will ever see them again, therefore I really had nothing to lose, and moreover.....I got to be a slut too.

We sent to B's place for the pre drink before going to the club. It was very obvious that M was still upset because he was really trying to get himself drunk. When we got to the club I immediately tried to spot a guy to make out with. However, I wasn't the only one who was playing the slut, M did the same too. I ended up making out with two different guys and M just kept kissing whoever he saw. By the end of the night he was so drunk that he couldn't even stand up and walk. I needed to hold him to walk when we left the club. P told M that he would take us home after he finish work so we decided to just wait for P at B's place since he lives close by the village. M wasn't conscious at all by the time we arrived to B's place. Then B told me something which is rather shocking, for me.

He told me P actually really likes me and wants to talk to me. I was astonished because for all those times I thought he hated me he actually liked me. Then B told me his plan, yea, another plan for the night, which is letting P takes me home while M is sleeping in B's sofa. Even though it sounded like a terrible idea, I didn't have a better plan on this situation, so I decided to just do whatever his plan was. Moreover, I really can't resisted the idea to finally get to talk to P privately especially since B told me P actually likes me I can finally open my mind to allow myself to release my affection for P.

P arrived 20 minutes later than I got in his car. It felt really weird because we didn't even had a proper conversation before that and now he is taking me home for a chat. I was scared and excited, I'm sure he was too. However, the nightmare came true, when we were still on the the car, M called. I rejected the call and he called again and again. Eventually we decided to turn off our phones, it was scary. We start chatting after we got to his place. The first thing I told him was the reason why I was being a slut in the club, because B told me that P's friend saw me in the club so P knew everything that happened in the club that night. P told me it was fine after my explanation and we carried on chatting. That chat was nice until we hear the taxi out side the building. We knowing it was M. When M got home he was yelling and pounding the floor, I was super scared. Then M took a shower and sat beside us. First he blamed us to leave him in b's place then kept saying sorry to P for being an idiot and ignored me. After about 10 minutes of silence he said his sorry to me too, for being drunk and stupid. So we three sat there for a very long time with silence. Me and P kinda hope that M would just go to sleep so we would chat a bit more but he just wouldn't move. So I called it a night and when back to M's room to sleep.

I was sleeping like baby again just like the day before except this time I didn't feel as bad.

(to be continue)

A very long story in Montreal - Day 3 (part 2)

Continuing...

A very long story in Montreal - Day 1, 2 & 3

Day 3, 19th, Friday (part 2)

So I found myself kissing with P in the club. To be very honest, I really can't recall how that happened and who started it. However, I did know what we were doing might piss M off since they are roommates. I was going to suggest that we should go somewhere more conceal to carry on what we were doing. Unfortunately, when we got back to the M and B, I immediately noticed there was something wrong, so as P. M didn't say a word and with a very pissed look. At that moment I knew M saw us already and I finally realized he likes P. Then I turned my head and looked at P, He looked pissed too. I felt terrible and guilty, especially I didn't know how the kissing started and who showed the first affection first. I kissed him first or he did? Since I saw P looked pissed as well so I just assumed that I was the one who started it, because his look showed me it might not be what he wanted. In order to escape the awkwardness, we got out of the club and started heading home. On the way, M was acting super weird. Sometimes he told me it was totally fine but sometimes he told me he is really sad. He told me "You've done something I wanted to do for a very long time." He also kept on asking me why I would kiss him with this "pretending everything it's cool tone", however, It didn't work, I totally found anger from his voice and I knew he did that just to want me to feel bad, and in that regard, he succeeded. I said my sorry and in fact, I was sorry too, I knew he wanted to be the one who was kissing P, but I just can't change the the past, I just hope he would stop stabbing me with his questions.

When we got back to their place, no one said a word. While M was taking a shower I went to have a short talk with P. I told P to put all the blames on me. I told him that I am just coming for few days and he still needs to stay with M for a long period of time. Therefore the best way to get over this is just put all the blames on me. In that moment I didn't really care about the friendship between me and M anymore I just want to get it over with. I just didn't want to see their "roommateship" get ruined by me, especially a good "roommateship" is something that I always wanted but never had, just like how I thought in Day 2. P told me its okay then I went back to M's room to sleep. P later told me that after M took his shower he went to talk to P for awhile as well. P also told me that that night M asked him if he kissed me because I am cuter then M. M asked P which of us (M and me) is cuter as well. When I heard that , I was like "OMG...M is really jealous". I think the question itself is very dumb, why would you want to ask a person, who is not interested in you already, if he thinks you are cute. What are you expecting him to answer? look, if he think you are cuter then you will be the one who is kissing him in the club, not me. Moreover, me and M, regarding the out look, I don't even think we have competition at all.

As soon as I jumped on the bad that night, I slept like baby, but a baby who is having a serious nightmare.

(to be continue)

A very long story in Montreal - Day 4

A very long story in Montreal - Day 1, 2 & 3

I am back!!!!! Finally!!!

It's been more then two weeks, due to my exhausting, life consuming visit to Montreal, I wasn't able to write anything until today.

Unfortunately I have tell you guys that I will not continue writing my last post (unless anyone beg for it, which I doubt it would happen anyway) because I have an even bigger, more dramatic story to tell, and of cuz, it happened in Montreal. And because of that incident, those dates that I've mentioned in the previous post become pointless now.

Since this is going to be a very long story, I'm going to divide it into few parts. I promise you guys I will finish the whole story this time.

Introduction

Although I had to drop my plan to go to UK, I still want to go somewhere to escape from my dull life, therefore I thought about Montreal, where is alot cheaper for me to go. I told my plan to M, which is a nice friend I met about a month ago, and M immediately told me he is happy to offer me accommodation since he is currently living in Montreal. It was really nice of him because that would make my trip even cheaper if I have a place to stay for free, However, I do have my concern. My concern is if he would cross the line when I am there because he had been sending confusing singles to me after I met him for the first time. Sometimes I just think what he said to me is a bit too intimate, like, he asked me to kiss him when I got there if I want to thank him (he wasn't just sayin' it, he did ask for it when i was there). Moreover, he also told me that I got the perfect look of his guy of his dream but it just too bad that I am a bottom too. That's why I asked him several times to confirm if he really is a bottom because I don't want to have anything weird happen between us. However, what had happened later on between us was way more weird then I anticipated.

Day one, 17th, Wednesday

After hours of exhausting bus ride, I saw M waiting for me in the bus terminal. Then we headed to his place. When I got to his place, I saw two people there, P and B, watching telly together, six feet under to be specific. After I changed my cloths and had something to eat with M, I went to say hi with them. P is M's current roommate, a 23 years old French Canadian, and B is P's good friend. M told me he had only met B once so he doesn't know about him very well as well.

Before I went to Montreal, M showed me pictures of P on facebook and asked me if I think he is cute. Honestly, when I looked at it I wasn't impressed at all because he looks like a small immature bitchy gay guy in the photos, that mainly because of I was told that he is younger so I didn't look at those photos seriously because I am easily turned off by younger guys. However, seeing him in real person, he actually looks a lot nicer then I thought before. However, that was it, I wasn't really attracted, for two main reasons. First, he is my friend's roommate, it would be weird If I got closer to him then M. Second, when I went to say hi to them, P was watching those Korean music videos that he download from the net on the telly. Then I realized he is a huge Korean rice queen, which is a serious turn off for me. Then M told me that P only like Korean/Japanese looking guy later on that night, which my look has nothing close to that (I have been asked if I am mixed Asian hundred times in my whole life). Anyway, we drank and played cards together and it was really fun. We played until 2 in the morning and then decided to carry on the drinking and card playing next night in B's place. Before me and M went sleep, M told me lots about him and P, mostly about how a good roommate. I couldn't agree more on that and then we went to sleep.

Day 2, 18th, Thursday

I slept till noon that day, after washing their dirty dishes for an hour and had the "lunch", it was already like 4pm. Then me and M went to work out for awhile in downtime Montreal. During the train ride to downtown, M told me even more about P, but it's still about how nice and gentle he is and how he is being such a incredible roommate to him. One thing that worth to notice is he kept mentioning that he is very shy almost every time he told me things about him. I only realized the reason why he did it later on after a huge drama. We got to B's place at around 10. I forgot what we were talking about when we walked into B's place and the conversation eventually led to a hug between P and M. While they were hugging, P looked at me and joke about if I were jealous. I sad no, of course, but the fact is, I was, not because I like either P or M, but the close friendship between roommates, because I've never had a very close friendship with my roommates I have had and most of my roommates are shitheads.

Day 3, 19th, Friday

I was very excited because it was the clubbing day, which is the main purpose to go to Montreal in the first place. I went to swim for while in the afternoon then we (including me, P, M, B) went to a birthday party of a friend of P and B. After hours of exhausting English conversation with their French speaking friends, we finally headed to the club. It was fun, clubbing in montreal just never let me down. We drank and dance, dance and drank, god knows how much we had drunk. I was black out for awhile, when I gradually got back my consciousness, I found myself kissing P....

(to be continued)

A very long story in Montreal - Day 3 (part 2)

OMG! I was kissed by fucking FK

It still grosses me out when I think about it now.

okay, if you don't know who FK is then read the previous post or click here.

Yesterday is the last day of M's business trip here therefore we decided to have a farewell sleep in/PJ party in his hotel where is just 1 minutes away from where I live. I didn't want FK to come but it was just hard to not to invite him since he and M are friends and M didn't know the creepy stories I had with FK.

One interesting thing was M was being very touchy-feely to me the whole night. Since he is a bottom as well so I don't see the harm of it, I just let him, I even let me kiss my cheek. However, FK didn't seem to know what is the different between he and M. He probably thought he can do the same thing to me as what M did, so he tried to touch me few times that night and I just pushed him away every time he did it.

Whereas M had huge king size bed in his room so we three decided to just sleep on the same bed together after couples of drinks and a long chat(me and M did most of the chatting, FK remains quiet all the time), which is actually part the plan and the point of having a PJ party there. After we got ready to sleep, I set myself on the middle of the bed between M and FK, which soon I noticed that is a total mistake. On the bed, M put his arms around me and hug me, which I actually enjoyed it. However, Few seconds later, unsurprisingly, FK tried to do the same thing to me as well. Eventually I had to swap the position with M to avoid FK. I wasn't feeling very comfortable with FK the whole night because of this odd, but I still manage to handle it in a very nice manner because I thought he is just lack of social decency and didn't know what to act in front of someone who he likes. However, the next, he did something totally cross the line.

HE FUCKING KISSED ME

he probably thought I was still sleeping and wouldn't notice the kiss. the fact is he was wrong, I had my eyes closed but I wasn't really sleeping that time because I was waken by M when he woke up earlier that morning. I was half sleep and half awake at that time and I totally felt the kiss. It was so GROSS I screamed right after he kiss. I have to say it is not the kiss that gross me out the most, but the creepiness of the action, thinking about kissing me when I cant notice and can't defend myself. I was totally creep out. M asked me what happened. I told him I was kissed my FK and FK didn't say a word at that time. I didn't know what to do except feeling horrid to be honest and FK just pretended nothing had happened.

The whole thing still gross me out and I do not think I will never talk to/meet/contact in any of form with FK again.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I told the whole incident to one of my friend and he told me that is not count as a molestation. He told me molestation should involved more touching and squeezing. A kiss is not anything like that at all. But I did feel offended by it! Do you guys think that is molestation at all or I am just over reacting?

Today is not my day, But it's okay.

There's only one sun,
but it travels the world every day.
This sun is all mine and I won't give it away!

- Marina Tsvetaeva

I've heard! I wear! but because I thought it was so insignificant I didn't keep in mind who said it, the thing that he said was:

"The only motivation for me to continue to live my life is when I look in the sky, I see the sun"

When I heard it I thought that was totally bullshit and I thought this guy was just being pretentious and trying to be sentimental. I just couldn't believe how a person's life can be inspired by the existent of the sun unless he/she is astronomer. But, today, I experienced the same fantastic sense of touch as the quote above described. I was touched, moved, soothed, when I looked at the sun.

I was so stressed yesterday night mainly because I felt like I can't even finish the thing that I've started, like the my work permit application, the portfolio, website...etc. At that moment, I desperately need an accomplishment, something easy, something don't need lots of effort yet the out come would be remarkable or beneficial. Therefore I started my study for the test of the driver's license, which I should have done ages ago, at the middle of the night. I was pretty tired after the intensive studying. Then I spoke to my sister in Hong Kong for a while, which later I realized I should never have, because the conversation turned out to be very unpleasant and exhausting. My sister is just a very sensitive girl who is VERY easily found things offensive, and it just makes her very hard to talk to sometimes. I spent almost half of the airtime on the phone trying explaining myself rather then actual chatting. The entire conversations consumed a lot more energy than I thought it would be. I was totally, literally exhausted, yet I couldn't sleep because of the conversation, and it was 4a.m.

I woke up at 9a.m. in the morning, which is rather early for me. I felt so refreshing as I walked down the street and under the gentle sun beam, I knew I was ready for the challenge, yes, by challenge, I meant the written driving test that I just decided to do the yesterday. Right before I got in the licensing department I realized I didn't have enough cash for the test so I went to the closest, still far even it's the closest, ATM to withdraw some cash, however, it didn't work. My Bank card just won allow me to withdraw anyway money from it, so I had to walk even further to the branch to fix the issue. Apparently someone was trying to steal my card info so the card locked itself automatically. After all the hassle I finally went back to the licensing department. As soon as I got in the building, I asked the receptionist where the department is and she told me the department has moved, three years ago, to, ironically, somewhere near by the bank that I had just visited. Apparently not all the info on my study guide was correct. After all the walking and suffering, I no longer felt refreshing and my steps were heavy. Then I wrote the test. It wasn't hard, at all, but I must say it was terrifying to wait for the result, especially the officer would actually call them by name and tell the person if he/she pass or fail in front of ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE TESTING ROOM. Failing is not terrifying, you just need another 10 bucks to retake it, but letting others know that you are failing is absolutely terrifying. Trust me, people do fail the test, like half half of them. I am glad that I passed it, otherwise I don't know if I would have the courage to take it again. After I walked out the department, I was still feeling dizzy and heavy. Then I looked into the sky, I saw the sun, it seemed like its telling me everything is okay now. The electric just suddenly went thought my whole body. Then I thought about the poem and that thing that whoever have said, I was touched.

Having a hard time? It's okay, at lease when you look up, the sun is still there.



I treated myself in a jazz bar for supper tonight!




This song just matched my mood


There's only one sun, a short film directed by Wong Kar Wai

Things that I'm doing and thinking about not doing 21-1-2010

I was in the school's computer lap all night yesterday. I had to go there because I needed some of the documents to be scanned for my online work permit application. I am so stressed out by the whole application thing because It seems it would take forever for me to complete. One of the trouble I'm having is my address. I have moved to this new place for like a month already but I still haven't received any mails yet, neither nor my roommate who moved in around the same time as me, therefore I am not a 100 percent sure that address I've got in my hand is absolutely correct and I don't want to put a wrong address on such an important application. Thus I sent myself two letters on Monday and yesterday to confirm if my address is correct. I still haven't gotten the Monday one so I am nervous, now I am waiting for the one I sent yesterday.

Of course I wouldn't go to school just for the scan. I went for the computer as well. My tiny design college has the latest Mac and fastest internet I've experienced. I downloaded tons of "stuffs", almost 10G of them, lol, while I was watching those Dreamweaver tutorials on youtube.

This is one of them, I was be so skeptical when I heard the voice over is a voice of a kid, but it turned out it wasn't as bad as I expected.

I spoke to my mother later yesterday night about my plan to go to London. She simply told me that she doesn't think it's an good idea. She gave me loads of reasons why I shouldn't go but I really can't pay any attention to her because of my disappointment. Eventually I have to ask her to stop and tell her is okay if she thinks its not an good idea, if she doesn't want me to go, I won't and I won't even try argue about it either since I am still using her money. I really wasn't mad at her or anything, I was just disappointed. I was hoping that she did't take it the wrong way and think I was mad at her so I changed the topic, but I still sounded gloomy, I knew it but I just can't help it. One interesting thing about the conversation is when she asked me why I wanted to go. I told her I have friends there I want to visit, then she said to me why can't I just ask him to come over to visit me. I was like, "huh?", few seconds later I finally understand what she meant. She probably thought I want to go to UK is because of W. I didn't bother to explain to her me and W are no long together. Anyway, so, my plan has to dropped again and I guess if I really want to go to UK i have to get my own money, and that motivate me to finish my permit application and my portfolio and found a job asap.

ohhhhh.....I just changed the banner...do you guys like it?

Things that I'm doing and thinking about doing. 19-1-2010

ohhhh!!! I have so much things I want to do!


I am reading Twilight right now...I've never watched the movie, because I think it looks super silly, the only reason I read the book is because the English in it is easy enough for me to read. By the way, although I don't like the movie, I still think Robert Pattinson is rather hot, especially after hearing the rumors about he never showers.....lol, it just hot. (oh yea, I am dirty!)

I am also reading this book too, on writing well, a quite famous book that written by William Zinsser. I am hoping I could writer better after reading it.

I thought about going to England again, more seriously this time. The plan of going to England has always been there since last year. The main reason I dropped the plan last summer is because I had to wait for my study visa to process and the broke up with W also mattered too. That's why I went to Vancouver instead. I thought about that after I finished all the classes last mouth as well, but then I had to found a place to move and to take care all the packing and moving. Moreover, when I finally finished all the courses I started feeling guilty about continuously spending my parents money, especially I've told them I will use the money very carefully and would not want to ask them for money again. They actually told me not to worry about the money several times as long as I use them carefully, I think its very kind of them but I do feel guilty about it and i just want to found a job as soon as possible, so, I dropped the plan again. Now, a month later, I am still working on my work permit application and without a job. I am thinking it actually might be a good time to do during this the time that after I send the application and before I look for the job. I do have several friends in UK I want to visit, like Ri and W and some other friends too. Plus the timing is good as well, the low season allows me to get cheapest tickets. I hope I would have a decision in few days after checking the price and asking my parents opinion.

I also thinking making a Youtube channel, but just dont know what would it be like...I am not even sure if i should do it in English or Chinese.........any ideas?


How could you not love London....these are pictures I've taken 2 years ago when I was in London

oh, I never know this cover exist until today, its so amazing!!!

what should I do (part1)

Lets go clubbing!!! arr.....not this kind

yea, what should I do?

Do you guys still remember I was writing about this annoying dude 3 weeks ago? Actually there were more happened that night...

I actually saw this two guys that the club as well that night. One of them is an Asian mix white and the other one is a white. that They look like they are in their thirties and both of them are quite masculine (I dont usually really like masculine guys but they do look quite nice) and the fact that they acted quite shy made they even cuter. I personally prefer the white one and I noticed both of them did looked at me occasionally that night especially that Asian mix (I'm going to call him AM in post). In fact, I drew quite a few attentions that night, I can't help to think if that was because I look different since I've been working out. I was kinda wait for AM to talk to me so I dance quite close to him, in fact, we were actually dance back to back. however, this annoying duge suddenly appeared and ruin the whole thing (if you want to know more about that incident, click here). When that duge tried to flirt with me and even wanted to kiss me, AM was just dancing right beside me. I had to literally push that duge away when he leaned towards me and tried to kiss me (an other strong reason for me to push him away is to prove to AM and his friend i am not a slut, lol). AM were witnessing the whole thing. That was pretty dramatic indeed. Me and AM ended didn't talking to each other that night and I was a bit disappointed...

I thought the story would end there, but its not, i saw him in the club 2 weeks later, which I am going to talk about it in the next post, stay tuned...

quite like this song recently

Nice supper and clubbing Night

"Oh, I wish I have time to XXX!" It properly the most common thoughts to come across when people who is being busy and just not be able to anything else other then their work. Making fancy meal happens to be one of the things I would think about at that moment. However, it doesn't mean i would really do it when i have free time again. Just like now, I thought I would try so many recipe during this summer holiday, but in fact, I haven't been trying anything fancy until yesterday.

This is what i made Potato Gnocchi with Veal and Mushroom Sauce. see recipe

for this special occasion I invited Clare to join me, we had the supper at my balcony. This is actually the first time i ever have a meal at my balcony. supper at the balcony with wine and jazz, It was just what i wanted. :P

Trust me, it IS very good, you guys should try it

we went to clubbing later on the nite, but i guess we went there too late, we waited like an hour (seriously!) to get in the club, lucky the music in there is very nice, it makes a perfect night. :)