What am I expecting

I really don't know whats wrong with me.

I have been feeling very depressed for days and today is the worst.

W called me today, after haven't communicated for a week. I wanted to pretend i am actually not that happy but I can't. However, something happened in our conversion and it made my whole day stayed miserable. Recently he found this interesting book named "riddley walker" by Russell Hoban and he was sharing me the story line. Since the story line is really interesting and I found a lot of similarity between some mangas that I have read therefore I started talking when he was still explaining the story too. I guess he was annoyed by my interruption and he finally said, "Why are you over talking me?" it was quite sudden and i didn't know how to respond. then i go "i am sorry I was just excited" I really dont understand why would he say that. I know thats annoying to get interrupted but there are million better ways to tell me to shut up, he could just say "hey, can i finish my sentence?" but "Why are you over talking me?"??? Excuse me? do you think i did that because i think it is fun to do?? anyway i was pissed but i didn't tell him, but i guess he kinna know that he told he get angry easily due to the weather. WHAT A SHITTY REASON. Anyway, after we finished the conversion i when to do some shipping alone and i really can't help thinking what happened in the morning. The more I thought about that the more i got pissed. Eventually I wanted to email him how pissed i was. Actually it is very usual for me to do that. When i got annoyed, i would kinna let it go at that time and pretend nothing happened(cuz i dont know how to react). but then i would spend hours to think about it and the more i think about it the more negative I would get. I am sure i get this from my mum because my mum is exactly like this. anyway, i was so pissed i was about to send this "clarification" emails to him. However, since this is not the first time he does it and everytime i did at i feel bad after. Therefore i decided to call one of my best friend A.

A is a very rational girl who gives the best comment in the world. Instead of giving emotional support, like "Waht a jerk!" "I feel so sorry for you" blah blah blah, she tends to analyze the situation and tell me what she think as a thrid person, her comments have always been very neutral. anyway, this is our conversion on skype:

A: 19:06:40

hmm, maybe it's the attitude he had and the way he framed it, cos actually i would apologize to the other person if i interrupted unintentionally

P: 19:07:03

i did apologize

A: 19:07:06

i guess he could've said it in a better way

P: 19:07:28

but i also feel bad when he said that

A: 19:07:51

i realize that he really knows how to push your buttons...i don't think he does it intentionally, but a lot of the things he says can really upset you

but some ppl are like that

P: 19:08:30

should i tell him i am upset?

A: 19:08:32

they tend to draw the more negative sides of us out

P: 19:08:52

you know , sometimes i even thing he think he can be rude to me because i like him

A: 19:09:04

well...i dunno...i'm not him, so i dunno if he'll get annoyed by all these "clarification" emails

P: 19:09:35

sigh................i know

but i still think what he said is rude

i have decided i will tell him next time i tlak to him

A: 19:13:00

actually, if i were you, i'll just let it go...

let me explain

it seems like you won't think he's suitable for you as a BF anyway, so he's more like a fren

and yet as friends, you guys dont' seem to be getting along that well either

cos rarely do frens always run into situations where there's misunderstanding, miscommunication etc. that requires a lot of clarification

i mean, once in a while there may be conflicts, but you guys have those tensions a lot

so depending on what you expect from him and your friendship with him, if you don't hold high hopes, then i would just let it go

P: 19:16:01

maybe i dont now what to expect from him

A: 19:17:56

i think you'll have to evaluate if this friendship is doing you more harm than good...is it making you happier or is it bringing you more problems and misery? and if you realize that you're always upset by him, then maybe you wanna readjust your distance with him...

i know it's hard cos you still have a bit of feelings for him; there's so much history and you guys do share some common grounds

but usually it's not all-or-none, you're probably never gonna hate him, and yet you gotta draw clearer boundaries

I totally agree on what A said, therefore, I ended up didn't send that Email I have drafted thousand times in my head. I am so glad I talk to A before I took the action. I really how bad i would feel this time if i did send....

anyway, its time to sleep...