W, its time to say goodbye........

its 2 a.m. in the morning right now, quite sleepy, but i know if i dont keep this blog as update as i can i might just leave it especially when it comes to bad memories. Writing them is like ripping off the wound.

okay, lets start

The whole thing started a week ago when we were chatting on skype. It was just a casual chat and we were just talking about whatever. Then he told me he went to this decent restaurant to have beer with his friend the other night and kept telling me how good it was. honestly, I didn't suspect a thing when he told me that and then i just casually asked who that was, then he just said a friend of his (i should have sensed soemthing wrong by then cuz he usually just say the name of the friend, but whatever, i still didn't suspect a thing). Then i dont know if he felt guilty or what, he told me that was a gay friend. Well, since he said that, if coz i would want to know more now, i asked him where did he meet him, then he told me he met him through a friend, then i go "oh, is that friends called 'internet'"? then he said yes. You know, i really dont know what i should said at that point, all i can think of is to be calm, I tried to think about us and i thought me and him are not boyfriends anymore so he techically could do anything he wanted, so i was trying to act fine and finish the conversation. In fact, that was a quite decently conversation beside that. However, the more i thought about that the more i felt that is wrong. especially when he went back to UK last month he promised me not to meet anyone online before i go there to visit him later this summer. I made that clear, not from Internet because last year he meet a guy from Internet and that guy turned out became his boyfriend for few months. Thats why i was being specific. However, he broke his promise. then we chatted online few days later, i asked him why would he do that? and all he said was "come on, he is just a friend". dude, it wasn't conviencing at all. meeting a friend from a dating site?? what kind of friend you want to meet? and asian? the type that you are attracted to? and why do you have to lie about how you guys meet? if meeting him is such a normal thing why didn't you tell me you have met a friend when you first met him? everything everything, W, you are so disappointing and the fact that you normalize the whole thing made me sick. the worst thing is he totally dont want to answer those questions and just made some excuse to dismiss me on msn. He told me his roommate and his roommate's boyfriend has arrived so he need to go. he did mention they would go to his room and drink in his place earlier, but come on, you dismiss me just like that?? Every time when someone call him while i am having a conversation with him on the phone or msn he would just dismiss me. it wasn't pleasant but i am fine with that since we weren't talking something really important. but now, how could you just dismiss me like that??? can you just tell your roommate to wait?? where do they live?? under your room!!!!!! fucker.

anyway, he emailed me the next day and pretend nothing happened.

i didn't answer the email

next day, he emailed again and ignore the whole incident and asked me if i could take a look of his website and give some comments to his site and he told me he would on line between 7-8 his time.

W, how could you just ignore that and when you dont want to talk to me you could just dismiss me like that. now you expect me to wait for you?? huh??

I didn't wait, i went to gym, i know he might call so i put my cell in the locker as well.

when i finsh working out i found that he did called. i didn't reply it either

the next day (yesterday), he emailed ma again asking me if i okay cuz i never reply this email and take his call. but wait, why do you suddenly care now? sometime you could just not emailing and calling me for a whole week. anyway, he called, honestly i still want to ask him why he can think what he did is okay, but my brain just went blank. I told him i was really upset and i dont understand, i need time, then i hanged up...

seriously

i dot know what i suppoes to say, suppose to do, suppose to think, sometime i even wonder if what he did is actually normal. i dont know....my hand just can't function properly....