W, still

I felt very bad after sending him the email, knowing that he probably would not call anymore.

When I think about all the bad things that he did to me when he was here and all the sufferings that I have been thought plus the fact that he could just talk to me again without mentioning a thing about what happened, not even an proper apology, I really do believe sending him that “never-call-again” email was a right thing to do. However, pathetically, I do really miss him. Therefore sometimes I would tell myself that the fact that he is calling and being all gentle might be the best case scenario already because my dignity will never allow me to call him after what happened, thus I shouldn’t have ruined it, because it might be the only chance for us to get back together.

I am real pathetic, I know.

I kinda regard that I didn’t tell him the “lying” incident was not the whole reason why I don’t want to talk to him anymore because I wanted him to know he has done other bad things to me too, which I was too chicken to complain since I wanted to protect the “relationship” that I thought we had at the time, and to let him suffers from it as well since he seems like he still give a shit.

Anyway, I've spent hours and hours everyday thinking if what I've done was a right thing to do and it was real painful.

Few hours ago, I got this email from him

I'm sorry... 

I really miss you as a friend, and hope you wont be angry at me forever.. I'm sorry I hurt you - I was wrong.

Dont want to bug you if you dont want to talk to me, so if you feel like you could forgive me, maybe you could get in touch some time..



W

Miss me as a friend? What? Friend? What on earth would make you think that we were friends before? Have I ever said I want to be friend with you? Anyway, it wouldn't be any different if he said he misses because of other reasons and at least I got a relatively more thoughtful apologize now then the shitty one that he wrote me before. I don't know what to write back to him yet, in fact, i don't even know what i am supposed to feel right now...