More W

Few days ago, I sent an email to W telling him if he really want to talk he could call if he sees me online. (since I've deleted him on skype, as well as msn)

I dont have one concrete reason to explaiun why i did that becasue i am sure it has more then one reason why i did that.

All of my friends asked me why am i doing it to myself. They're all telling me the reason i am making myself available is because i want to lie to myself me and him still have hope.

That is very normal to think but i really don't think thats true, at least not the major part of it.

yes I love him and i really hope he could do things to make me forgive him. but i know it is not happening and i know exactly there're no hope between us.

In the past three weeks, I thought about him every single day but every time i thought about him and the things he that did to me(not only that meeting-online-gay-guy incident) i would get very pissed and angry. What he's been doing is manipulating my love for him. I just can't forgive him by doing that to me. I know I am responsible too, i should have gone away from him long time ago but i didn't. Anyway, i just know we can't be together anymore, not even friends.

then why am i doing that.

I really don't know...

tell me, was I wrong?