Dickson Wong's invitation is awaiting your response

Dickson Wong would like to connect on LinkedIn. How would you like to respond?   Dickson Wong Freelance Graphic Designer at C-People Corporate and Marketing Communications Confirm you know Dickson You are receiving Reminder emails for pending invitations. Unsubscribe. © 2013 LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct, Mountain View, CA 94043, USA.

Dickson Wong's invitation is awaiting your response

Dickson Wong would like to connect on LinkedIn. How would you like to respond?   Dickson Wong Freelance Graphic Designer at C-People Corporate and Marketing Communications Confirm you know Dickson You are receiving Reminder emails for pending invitations. Unsubscribe. © 2013 LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct, Mountain View, CA 94043, USA.

Invitation to connect on LinkedIn

From Dickson Wong Freelance Graphic Deisgner at C-People Corporate and Marketing Communications Hong Kong I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - Dickson Confirm that you know Dickson You are receiving Invitation to Connect emails. Unsubscribe © 2012, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

Job hunting frustration #1 - résumé

Since my portfolio is 95% finished now, I need to start looking for jobs, a full time and a part time, a part time job that I can do before I found a full time job. Therefore I started to draft my resume and a cover letter. After I made a very simple copy of my resume I saw J4 online. J4 and I are not closed at all but since he seems to know lots about interviewing so I thought it would be a good idea to show him my resume, which soon I regarded. When he looked at it, he immediately said "well, I see typo” then he just kept counting, and I was like "Shit!". I was so embarrassed. I even have 3 typos in a single sentence. The worst thing is he wasn’t saying in a nice way. I admit that I am really bad in spelling, however, it really was just a draft and I made it in a program that don't have the spell check function. I would never send it to any companies without having someone to check it. However, he just kept attacking me with the typo thing and told me how unprofessional to have so much typo in the resume. I felt totally humiliated by his words. Then he continued to criticize my other problems in my portfolio, not in a harsh but almost abusive way. He made me feel like as if I worth nothing. At that moment, I realized that he wasn't really trying to help. Instead, he was just having a good time from abusing me with my non-professional resume. The interesting part is he suddenly talked about what kind of resume he is looking for when he is looking for a graphic designer for his future web site and he indirectly suggested that he wouldn't consider my resume when he sees it. WTF? Okay, I think its okay to criticize my resume and tell me the do and don't, but when did he come the boss and get to decide if I should get hired or not??? This is just absurd. Moreover, I think some of the things he told me I should do with my resume are quite doubtful, yet, I can’t deny that he did give some constructive advises. After the whole frustrating conversations, the thing that annoys me the most is myself. I can’t believe I actually care the abusive comment that much that I even lost my appetite. I should know that in my future interviews, I am going to encounter countless of people just like him, who likes to step on people just for their amusement, so I should have known how to deal with it. Therefore, this incident teaches me two important things:

- Only show your resume draft to someone you can fully trust. Because a resume is a professional statement of yourself, you don’t want anyone you can’t fully trust to have your incomplete/un-finalized/unprofessional copy of your professional statement.

- Thicken your skin. Try your best to withstand any criticisms from others, even the one that is in bad intentions. Because when they attack, they still need a point. Therefore it’s extremely important to be calm, think through what they’ve said and take only the constructive criticisms, then ignore the rest.

House party

I went to a house party with Jo yesterday. Jo is a 24 white guy who apparently really likes me but he is a mental adolescent. We've been through lots of stupid dramas already. He begged me to give him a chance few weeks ago and eventually I've decided to give it a shot and was going to tell him that last night. But did I tell him? no. Why? Please keep reading.

He called me yesterday telling me he cancelled the plan to go to out of town and asked me if I want to hang out with him in his friend's house party. I said yes and I thought that would be a good chance to tell him we should date. So we went. The house party was just soso therefore we decided to go to a 90's rock club/disco (I have no idea what that kind of places called actually). We danced in the club and I was sitting down on the chair for the most of the time since I was actually exhausted because I work out for 2 hours in that afternoon. We're all drunk, then Jo started to dance with this Asian gay guy. I didn't really give a fuck about that actually. However when I started dancing again jo immediately switched to dance with me and wanted to kiss me. I stopped him and tell him if he wants to date we should not kiss at all, which make sense right?. Half an hour later I felt like I can't take it any more I really needed to sleep so I hug everyone goodbye and left. When I told Jo that I was going to leave, he said, "if you are going now then we are done" WTF? What is that mean? we are done? what is done? Why my exhaustion is related to something getting done? Do I give a fuck about whatever got done? no, so I left

The next day, which is today, he came by to pick up the bag that he left in my place before we went to the house party yesterday. He looked pissed. I didn't really understand that because it doesn't seem he should be the one to be upset, the one who is upset should be me right? I was threatened when I wanted to leave and he wasn't try to understand that I am human too and I could be tired. I asked him why he look pissed and he told me it is because I was acting grumpy last night. He thought I was mad about him dancing with that Asian gay guy, but sadly, the truth is I actually didn't give a fuck. I was just TIRED! damn it! For him, the only one reason why I wanted left must be because of him, what a self-centered guy. The interesting thing is, if he think dancing with an other guy is not appropriate to do in front of me, why would he do it? "I was going to tell you we should date, but you ruin it last night", I was going to say that to him, but I swallowed it down when I about to. I didn't want him feel worse then he already was.

a single man

I finally found my comfort back recently after that stupid incident happened two weeks ago. I am sorry I still don't feel very comfortable to tell what had happened. The only thing i could say is I felt extremely guilty after the incident. I felt like I had done something evil. I literally couldn't eat last week and I lost so much weight. I looked pale and weak. Everybody was telling me I should be the one to be blame but i just can't help blaming myself.

I always thought I could play the bad boy, but I guess with my paranoia of guilt, I could hardly be one.

Therefore, I have been devoting myself to my portfolio development in order to distract myself. The progress has been going smoothly and my portfolio should be finished fairly soon.

I finally got a copy of a single man from the library, I am so thrilled to read it since it adored the movie.

I have nothing to say so i just post my photo

I am not feeling okay lately (emotionally) so I dont have much to say here. Anyway, here my photo

What I am doing today and what happened to me recently

It's 19 degrees here and the weather is absolutely beautiful. I am sitting in a Starbucks and drinking a decaf latte with my Abercrombie T-shirt but this is actually not part of my plan. My original plan was going to my college to work for a while then go to the a book binding workshop that held there later today. However, I didn't know that my school is not opened until the workshop start (because of good Friday), so I walked to the nearest Starbucks and plan to sit until the workshop started.

Lets talk about my recently life since I have plenty of time in this Starbucks. Do you guys still remember the good looking chubby white guy I've mention in my earlier post? We eventually became very good friends since we share VERY similar taste in music and movie, so we hang out very often. I always know that he kinda like me but I did make it clear that I just want to be friend with him. However, last week, After we went to a club together we kinda had sex, we didn't fuck, mostly just hj. We were extremely drunk so I thought I could get away from it. Nevertheless, Few days ago, he brought it up and asked me what was it. I told him it was a mistake and I still want to be friend with him. He asked me if I like him. To be honest, I do, he has a cute and sincere personality. However, I failed to explain to him how relationship is much more then just the feeling. I just don't see we can be each other. I think the biggest problem of him is he is not mature enough for me. I could totally be his boyfriend but I knew it won't last long, and once we break up we can't be friends anymore. Therefore I was insisted for us to just be friends. He told me he is hurt by what I said and told me he rather hear I am not interested in him at all. We didn't talk for days after the conversations until yesterday, he seemed more calm this time and seemed to be willing to be friend with me again...

Why am i being stupid again

I saw W online on facebook today but he wasn't on skype. I said hi to him and asked if he received my email, he said yes and then he asked me if I can delete my message on twitter. The day when he made fun my hair I actually wrote a twitter message saying "some fucking jerk just make fun of my hair, I don't do my hair for you, so you better fuck off and die" I didn't expect he would see it but he happened to see it. When he asked me to delete my message I was confused I didn't understand why do I have to do that, because those messages are like my personal emotion record, and why can't I express my anger on my own page? But at the end I still deleted it, reluctantly, and my respond is "ok, thanks". Then I told him I really dont understand why but he didn't reply and went off line.

After a cup of soothing tea I wrote this email to him

Hi W,

after talking to you on facebook I was very frustrated and upset. Then I drunk some tea and think about the whole thing. I do agree that deleting the rude message is a right thing to do and I also agree that the word I used was overly strong and you would never say the same thing to me even you are anger with me. When you tell me to deleted the message I thought you wanted me to deny the upset feeling I had when you made fun of me, but now I realize it wasn't like that. This incident makes me think that may be I am not that ready to be a friend with you yet, I still care too much of what you say to me and I think it would course more misunderstandings. good luck on everything and we will talk when we meant to talk again

take care

P

XxXxXx

when we began the conversations, I was actually hoping he would ask about the cold I just got...

Why am I being stupid.

this is one of the pictures of me I look after my hair cut and hair dye

I went to have a hair cut last week and I dyed my hair the following day, into a much lighter brown. Thanks for my light skin tone, it doesn't look that awkward on me. After all the transformation my hair had I felt like I should have a new hair style. Therefore the following day I put jel on my hair and made it in Faux Hawk style. I told W that and he immediately asked me to show him my hair on web cam. However, once he saw my hair he sent me this guy's picture, yes, It's Gok Wan (this is the picture he sent me). I didn't know who the hell he was until W explained me. In my opinion, I think he is a very ugly guy and I thought that was a horrible joke to make to a guy who just tried to have a new hair style.

I have to say I have very low self-esteem and It took lots of my courage to try a new hairstyle. I felt like shit when he told me I looked like him. He told me it was just a joke later on but it obviously didn't make me feel any better. I was extremely pissed and I told him I had to hang up on skype with a random reason. I can't get over the all I look like gok wan thing so I sent the following message to him on facebook the that night.

"You are the one who asked me to show my hair to you on cam, but you immediately make fun of me when you see it. I don't understand why you think its funny. It actually hurts"

Then he replied, " sorry - didn't mean to hurt you - i was just being dumb. I really like your hair like that anyway"

I talked to Ri the other day. She said something that I would have said to myself. She told me I shouldn't have acted that uptight and just laughed about it. I can't help to feel like I was being a defensive drama queen... I know it was not very cool but I just can't control it.I was bothered by that for days and eventually I sent him an email yesterday telling him that I am sorry too, for being overacting...

I don't know what I am doing.....I don't know why I still give a shit.....and it's painful

God, could you help me? could you help me to stop loving him?

What happened between me and P after all the drama, Something between me and W

We didn't work out.

He came to Toronto to visit me 2 week after I left montreal. We talked every day online before he came. Everything was fine when he was here, we didn't even have any argument, but we just felt distanced which we both couldn't figure out why. a week later he told me he kissed someone in the club and we should be friend. I was not surprised, yet I was very disappointed and upset, especially after all the dramas. When he told me he likes me in Montreal, I really thought he is the one.

I talked to W about that incident later on. Usually we wouldn't talk about things like that, but I really needed some consolation at that time. Since we opened the "dating topic", we talked about more about our dating life. He told me he had dated twice after we broke up last year and he also confessed to me that he has an other facebook account that he use to talk to other people, especially his gay friends. I was mad, but I can't found a reason to blame him. He told me the reason he didn't want me to know that account is because he doesn't want me to be mad. I don't know if that explanation make sense at all, but I didn't say anything. Then he added me on that account and all I saw on this wall were messages that left by this japanese guy who he used to date long time ago. And In fact, this japanese guy just went to visit him few weeks ago, I was jealous, but, what I could do?

A very long story in Montreal - Day 5, 6 and 7

I was talking to my friend K, which is one of my very good friends who would read my blog regularly, the other night. I realized I missed some of the informations in my previous posts. First, M is a Hong Konger, Asian and P is a French Canadian, white. I guess it makes more sense why M is so jealous of me since we are both asian.

Day 5, 21th, Sunday

We went out together to shop for some ingredients I needed to make that day's supper. We all pretended nothing had happened, especially me and P, we didn't even talk when P's around. We (P and M and B and one of M's friend and me) played card games again after supper and P was kicking me under the table the whole time. P actually needed to write an exam the next day, but he insisted to stay playing cards with us and I knew he was doing that for me, I did feel a bit guilty but I didn't want him to go back to his room either. We played until we can't even move, It was a really nice night.

Day 6, 22th, Monday

I woke up without M sleeping next to me. I saw P in his room preparing his paper then I asked him where was everyone Me and P had a small chat before he when for the exam and he told me he would definitely fail the exam but it's okay. Since I knew P actually doesn't like M that much, it's actually really hard for me to understand why M would just sleep in P's room. Therefore I asked M why would he do that (sleeping in your roommate's room) carefully that night. Then M told me proudly that he do it all the time and trying to tell my how close they are again. I felt very bad for him because of that. M is so obsessed with P and he doesn't P doesn't like him at all.

Day 7, 23th, Monday

This was the day I need to go back. I am sure M was waiting for that day so badly. In the other hand, it was a sad day for me and P, especially we can have a a proper goodbye since M is around.

he texted me "I miss you already" as soon as I get on the bus...

A very long story in Montreal - Day 4

Continuing...

A very long story in Montreal - Day 1, 2 & 3

A very long story in Montreal - Day 3 (part 2)

Day 4, 20th, Saturday

I felt so tired when I woke up. It felt like I didn't sleep at all. When M saw me woke up he gave me this a calm smile and a hug, but I knew it wasn't all sincere, he was just trying to be calm. However, to me, I really didn't care if his smile is real or not, I just wanted to get things over with and at least he was trying. However, I still didn't feel very comfortable around the house since I thought both P and M hated me, so I went out. I kept wandering around the downtown montreal for hours and by the time I went back to their place was around 5 p.m.. When I get back to that place I saw P was getting really to go out. Then M told me that P needed to work that night so we would just go clubbing with him and B. I wasn't that surprised that P decided to go to work rather then hang out with us since what had happened, but I was really surprised that we were still going to clubbing at all that night.

So, I came up a plan

A plan that I thought it would weaken the impact of that had happen. I decided to act like a whore in the club and kiss whoever so M would think I am a slut and the kiss that I had with P was just a causal kiss that doesn't mean anything to us. Since I thought they hate me anyway, I really don't think I will ever see them again, therefore I really had nothing to lose, and moreover.....I got to be a slut too.

We sent to B's place for the pre drink before going to the club. It was very obvious that M was still upset because he was really trying to get himself drunk. When we got to the club I immediately tried to spot a guy to make out with. However, I wasn't the only one who was playing the slut, M did the same too. I ended up making out with two different guys and M just kept kissing whoever he saw. By the end of the night he was so drunk that he couldn't even stand up and walk. I needed to hold him to walk when we left the club. P told M that he would take us home after he finish work so we decided to just wait for P at B's place since he lives close by the village. M wasn't conscious at all by the time we arrived to B's place. Then B told me something which is rather shocking, for me.

He told me P actually really likes me and wants to talk to me. I was astonished because for all those times I thought he hated me he actually liked me. Then B told me his plan, yea, another plan for the night, which is letting P takes me home while M is sleeping in B's sofa. Even though it sounded like a terrible idea, I didn't have a better plan on this situation, so I decided to just do whatever his plan was. Moreover, I really can't resisted the idea to finally get to talk to P privately especially since B told me P actually likes me I can finally open my mind to allow myself to release my affection for P.

P arrived 20 minutes later than I got in his car. It felt really weird because we didn't even had a proper conversation before that and now he is taking me home for a chat. I was scared and excited, I'm sure he was too. However, the nightmare came true, when we were still on the the car, M called. I rejected the call and he called again and again. Eventually we decided to turn off our phones, it was scary. We start chatting after we got to his place. The first thing I told him was the reason why I was being a slut in the club, because B told me that P's friend saw me in the club so P knew everything that happened in the club that night. P told me it was fine after my explanation and we carried on chatting. That chat was nice until we hear the taxi out side the building. We knowing it was M. When M got home he was yelling and pounding the floor, I was super scared. Then M took a shower and sat beside us. First he blamed us to leave him in b's place then kept saying sorry to P for being an idiot and ignored me. After about 10 minutes of silence he said his sorry to me too, for being drunk and stupid. So we three sat there for a very long time with silence. Me and P kinda hope that M would just go to sleep so we would chat a bit more but he just wouldn't move. So I called it a night and when back to M's room to sleep.

I was sleeping like baby again just like the day before except this time I didn't feel as bad.

(to be continue)

A very long story in Montreal - Day 3 (part 2)

Continuing...

A very long story in Montreal - Day 1, 2 & 3

Day 3, 19th, Friday (part 2)

So I found myself kissing with P in the club. To be very honest, I really can't recall how that happened and who started it. However, I did know what we were doing might piss M off since they are roommates. I was going to suggest that we should go somewhere more conceal to carry on what we were doing. Unfortunately, when we got back to the M and B, I immediately noticed there was something wrong, so as P. M didn't say a word and with a very pissed look. At that moment I knew M saw us already and I finally realized he likes P. Then I turned my head and looked at P, He looked pissed too. I felt terrible and guilty, especially I didn't know how the kissing started and who showed the first affection first. I kissed him first or he did? Since I saw P looked pissed as well so I just assumed that I was the one who started it, because his look showed me it might not be what he wanted. In order to escape the awkwardness, we got out of the club and started heading home. On the way, M was acting super weird. Sometimes he told me it was totally fine but sometimes he told me he is really sad. He told me "You've done something I wanted to do for a very long time." He also kept on asking me why I would kiss him with this "pretending everything it's cool tone", however, It didn't work, I totally found anger from his voice and I knew he did that just to want me to feel bad, and in that regard, he succeeded. I said my sorry and in fact, I was sorry too, I knew he wanted to be the one who was kissing P, but I just can't change the the past, I just hope he would stop stabbing me with his questions.

When we got back to their place, no one said a word. While M was taking a shower I went to have a short talk with P. I told P to put all the blames on me. I told him that I am just coming for few days and he still needs to stay with M for a long period of time. Therefore the best way to get over this is just put all the blames on me. In that moment I didn't really care about the friendship between me and M anymore I just want to get it over with. I just didn't want to see their "roommateship" get ruined by me, especially a good "roommateship" is something that I always wanted but never had, just like how I thought in Day 2. P told me its okay then I went back to M's room to sleep. P later told me that after M took his shower he went to talk to P for awhile as well. P also told me that that night M asked him if he kissed me because I am cuter then M. M asked P which of us (M and me) is cuter as well. When I heard that , I was like "OMG...M is really jealous". I think the question itself is very dumb, why would you want to ask a person, who is not interested in you already, if he thinks you are cute. What are you expecting him to answer? look, if he think you are cuter then you will be the one who is kissing him in the club, not me. Moreover, me and M, regarding the out look, I don't even think we have competition at all.

As soon as I jumped on the bad that night, I slept like baby, but a baby who is having a serious nightmare.

(to be continue)

A very long story in Montreal - Day 4

A very long story in Montreal - Day 1, 2 & 3

I am back!!!!! Finally!!!

It's been more then two weeks, due to my exhausting, life consuming visit to Montreal, I wasn't able to write anything until today.

Unfortunately I have tell you guys that I will not continue writing my last post (unless anyone beg for it, which I doubt it would happen anyway) because I have an even bigger, more dramatic story to tell, and of cuz, it happened in Montreal. And because of that incident, those dates that I've mentioned in the previous post become pointless now.

Since this is going to be a very long story, I'm going to divide it into few parts. I promise you guys I will finish the whole story this time.

Introduction

Although I had to drop my plan to go to UK, I still want to go somewhere to escape from my dull life, therefore I thought about Montreal, where is alot cheaper for me to go. I told my plan to M, which is a nice friend I met about a month ago, and M immediately told me he is happy to offer me accommodation since he is currently living in Montreal. It was really nice of him because that would make my trip even cheaper if I have a place to stay for free, However, I do have my concern. My concern is if he would cross the line when I am there because he had been sending confusing singles to me after I met him for the first time. Sometimes I just think what he said to me is a bit too intimate, like, he asked me to kiss him when I got there if I want to thank him (he wasn't just sayin' it, he did ask for it when i was there). Moreover, he also told me that I got the perfect look of his guy of his dream but it just too bad that I am a bottom too. That's why I asked him several times to confirm if he really is a bottom because I don't want to have anything weird happen between us. However, what had happened later on between us was way more weird then I anticipated.

Day one, 17th, Wednesday

After hours of exhausting bus ride, I saw M waiting for me in the bus terminal. Then we headed to his place. When I got to his place, I saw two people there, P and B, watching telly together, six feet under to be specific. After I changed my cloths and had something to eat with M, I went to say hi with them. P is M's current roommate, a 23 years old French Canadian, and B is P's good friend. M told me he had only met B once so he doesn't know about him very well as well.

Before I went to Montreal, M showed me pictures of P on facebook and asked me if I think he is cute. Honestly, when I looked at it I wasn't impressed at all because he looks like a small immature bitchy gay guy in the photos, that mainly because of I was told that he is younger so I didn't look at those photos seriously because I am easily turned off by younger guys. However, seeing him in real person, he actually looks a lot nicer then I thought before. However, that was it, I wasn't really attracted, for two main reasons. First, he is my friend's roommate, it would be weird If I got closer to him then M. Second, when I went to say hi to them, P was watching those Korean music videos that he download from the net on the telly. Then I realized he is a huge Korean rice queen, which is a serious turn off for me. Then M told me that P only like Korean/Japanese looking guy later on that night, which my look has nothing close to that (I have been asked if I am mixed Asian hundred times in my whole life). Anyway, we drank and played cards together and it was really fun. We played until 2 in the morning and then decided to carry on the drinking and card playing next night in B's place. Before me and M went sleep, M told me lots about him and P, mostly about how a good roommate. I couldn't agree more on that and then we went to sleep.

Day 2, 18th, Thursday

I slept till noon that day, after washing their dirty dishes for an hour and had the "lunch", it was already like 4pm. Then me and M went to work out for awhile in downtime Montreal. During the train ride to downtown, M told me even more about P, but it's still about how nice and gentle he is and how he is being such a incredible roommate to him. One thing that worth to notice is he kept mentioning that he is very shy almost every time he told me things about him. I only realized the reason why he did it later on after a huge drama. We got to B's place at around 10. I forgot what we were talking about when we walked into B's place and the conversation eventually led to a hug between P and M. While they were hugging, P looked at me and joke about if I were jealous. I sad no, of course, but the fact is, I was, not because I like either P or M, but the close friendship between roommates, because I've never had a very close friendship with my roommates I have had and most of my roommates are shitheads.

Day 3, 19th, Friday

I was very excited because it was the clubbing day, which is the main purpose to go to Montreal in the first place. I went to swim for while in the afternoon then we (including me, P, M, B) went to a birthday party of a friend of P and B. After hours of exhausting English conversation with their French speaking friends, we finally headed to the club. It was fun, clubbing in montreal just never let me down. We drank and dance, dance and drank, god knows how much we had drunk. I was black out for awhile, when I gradually got back my consciousness, I found myself kissing P....

(to be continued)

A very long story in Montreal - Day 3 (part 2)

dating 4 guys (part 1)

Before reading this post, I want to tell you something. I want to make a pledge to you guys that everything I write below is 100% real and they really happened. I am not one of those bitches that just saying this to say how attractive I am. In fact, I've been the biggest loser in terms of getting a date since I came to this country. I am so surprised by the things that happened to me recently, being asked for a date from 4 different guys in the same time, things like that has never happened before and probably wouldn't happen in the future. Although I might not actually be with any of them eventually, it is still a very interesting story to be told.

Two weeks ago I went clubbing again with my friend J. Soon I realized there was a guy, a quite young/good looking white guy but a bit chubby, had been staring at me for awhile. Then I started dancing next to him and see if he was really interested. As I thought, he was, soon we started dancing together then we kissed. However, I found him a tiny bit too aggressive and eventually became a turn off. He also constantly dragged away by this friends while I was dancing with him. Therefore I just escaped when their friends did that again. Then I ran into RHG, a guy I almost slept with last time I saw him, then we started kissing and dancing together. I admit that I was acting a bit like a slut that night, but I think its fine as long as I know where my bottom line is, which is not going to bed with any of those guys.

While I was on my way to the toilet, I was approached by an other guy, a middle thirthish white guy. Actually I did notice his staring earlier but I ignored him since he isn't the best looking one who was interested in me that night in the club. (I know what I did is very shallow, but tell me, how sophisticated you can be in a club?). This time he came in front of me and said hi. I said hi to him too. He asked me what my background is then I told him I am from Hong Kong. Then I asked him as well because his accent doesn't sound local. He told me he is from German and have been living here fore 4 years for biology research in hospital. I was impressed and interested in his occupation. Therefore, after I went to the toilet, I gave him a small piece of paper with my name and phone number with it. Then I went back to RHG and continued what we were doing. I ended up didn't do anything with RHG that night but this is what he text me the next day.

"oh my sweet little friend. I couldn't get enough of you last night...let's go out sometime"

then he send me another message of asked me for a coffee the next day.

a day later, I received a text message from the German guy about asking me for a supper well

to be continued

Talking to my Ex

Although I don't have class anymore I still go back to school quite regularly to use the Internet there since my internet in my shared apartment is so fucking slow.

Few days ago, I bumped into my first boyfriend, Alex, a 30 years old white guy with very pale blue eyes. We talked a little bit then I continued my way to the computer lab. I was a bit nervous when I talked to him because It's been a very long time since I talked to him face to face (we usually just say hi if we met, which didn't happen very often anyway).

Then we bumped into each other again few hours later. He was going to get some coffee at the college cafe and I was going to the printing department. Since we both were not in hurry we decided to sit down to chat a bit more. I was a lot more relaxed this time when I talked to him this time. the conversation was really pleasant I must say. He told me he after all the years he studied in college he found out what he really wants to do is drawing illustration and told me he would merry his girl friend when he collects enough money. I also told him my recent life as well then we carry on chatting a bit more.

The conversations totally reminded me how much fun it could be to talk to him. The most important thing is I wasn't bothered by the things that had happened between us when we were together anymore. I can finally let myself go and unload all the negative baggage and feelings. Then I thought about the "friendship" between W and I and asked myself why do I still want to constantly torture myself with the unpleasant things he did to me. I guess it's because if I don't do that, I might fall in love with him again, which is rather easy.

I feel very confused recently and I don't seem to be able to focus on everything at all. I feel like I am seeing the world outside of the universe and I have no control of it.

What changed me?

Is that Love or Stupidity?

I am so glad that I keep this blog away from my friends, otherwise I will not be able to write this post.

K and I went for a dinner last night. We dined at this Jazz bar/restaurant that I found online. The place looked a little sketchy, which made me a bit nerves before I walk in (that's the thing about trying new restaurant you found with your friend), but the food and music turned out to be rather lovely, especially the music, it was like jazz mixed with Spanish guitar, I had nothing to complain except the crappy stage.

However, with such beautiful music, I still couldn't loosen up my mind to enjoy the night, mostly because of K's stressful talk about his recent life. I knew he desperately wanted to share his stressful stories with me from the day that he asked me to have this dinner with him, but i just didn't anticipate the talk would be that stressful. First, He told me a whole bunch of incidents about how he got verbal abuses from his homophobic co-workers, which is sucks enough, then he told me about his psycho roommate who would steal his food and throw away this cooking utensils. The thing that really got me while I was listening to his stories was the fact that he had never done anything about it, he just let shit happen to him. Every time I asked him why he didn't fight for himself he has his perfect explanation of why he shouldn't. Okay, I understand when he said he doesn't want to make his boss his enemy, but what about his crazy roommate? To be honest, I think this is simply because of his cowardliness. I particularly hate when people just bitch about situations that they had never even try to solve it or fight for it in any way. After all, I think there is no one he could blame but himself in such case.

Then he started talked about his boyfriend, which is the whole point of having this dinner. The story is not that impressive or complex after all. His boyfriend cheated on him, like many others, with tons of guys that he met online. K went to his boyfriend's place to stay over few days ago and discovered all the erotic conversations that his boyfriend stored in his computer by accident (really?). I just couldn't understand why guys would do that, bring the trophy of cheating home right in front of their partners face as if they are blind or something, where's their brain? Oops I almost forgot guys don't actually think with with brain. Obviously, his boyfriend couldn't denied that fact that he had met guys online and had those conversations with those internet boys since there are evidences, but, unsurprisingly, he denied having sex with anyone of them, despite he had actually scheduled the date with his online mates and mentioned about having lube and condom in those conversations. K told me he believes his boyfriend might actually telling the truth. However, I think that is what K wants to believe, but actually believing. Then he told me about how he also cheated on his boyfriend once as well, what a surprise, therefore he wants to forgive his boyfriend on this one, which he already did. However, I think K is making a huge logical mistake here. The fact K had also cheated doesn't means that he should tolerant his boyfriend's cheating. They both did something wrong, individually, and they shouldn't be in the same equation and able to balance out, they should be deal with separately. But apparently K's brain doesn't function like that. One thing about this incident is now K starts to worry about his health because he and his boyfriend never used condom during their love making. He told me he wants to have body check since only god knows how many guys that K's boyfriend had fucked with unsafely when they are together and before they are together. I asked K if he would continue to let his boyfriend fuck him without a condom in the future. I proposed two questions to him. First one, "If you starts asking him to put on a condom every time he fucks you, then are you ready for the challenge of being accused of not trusting his boyfriend anymore?". Second question, "If you continues to let him fuck you bareback, you are actually putting yourself in a very dangerous position of getting STD and HIV, why do you want to do that?" he told me he does't know how to answer either questions and he only knows he really love his boyfriend.

Letting your boyfriend fuck you raw might be because of ignorant, but letting your boyfriend fuck you raw after knowing he is one of those high risk people then you are nothing but a stupid dumb-fuck. Don't use Love to camouflage your stupidity, love is so much greater then that.

Guys, especially the gay ones, don't trust anyone, use a condom.

OMG! I was kissed by fucking FK

It still grosses me out when I think about it now.

okay, if you don't know who FK is then read the previous post or click here.

Yesterday is the last day of M's business trip here therefore we decided to have a farewell sleep in/PJ party in his hotel where is just 1 minutes away from where I live. I didn't want FK to come but it was just hard to not to invite him since he and M are friends and M didn't know the creepy stories I had with FK.

One interesting thing was M was being very touchy-feely to me the whole night. Since he is a bottom as well so I don't see the harm of it, I just let him, I even let me kiss my cheek. However, FK didn't seem to know what is the different between he and M. He probably thought he can do the same thing to me as what M did, so he tried to touch me few times that night and I just pushed him away every time he did it.

Whereas M had huge king size bed in his room so we three decided to just sleep on the same bed together after couples of drinks and a long chat(me and M did most of the chatting, FK remains quiet all the time), which is actually part the plan and the point of having a PJ party there. After we got ready to sleep, I set myself on the middle of the bed between M and FK, which soon I noticed that is a total mistake. On the bed, M put his arms around me and hug me, which I actually enjoyed it. However, Few seconds later, unsurprisingly, FK tried to do the same thing to me as well. Eventually I had to swap the position with M to avoid FK. I wasn't feeling very comfortable with FK the whole night because of this odd, but I still manage to handle it in a very nice manner because I thought he is just lack of social decency and didn't know what to act in front of someone who he likes. However, the next, he did something totally cross the line.

HE FUCKING KISSED ME

he probably thought I was still sleeping and wouldn't notice the kiss. the fact is he was wrong, I had my eyes closed but I wasn't really sleeping that time because I was waken by M when he woke up earlier that morning. I was half sleep and half awake at that time and I totally felt the kiss. It was so GROSS I screamed right after he kiss. I have to say it is not the kiss that gross me out the most, but the creepiness of the action, thinking about kissing me when I cant notice and can't defend myself. I was totally creep out. M asked me what happened. I told him I was kissed my FK and FK didn't say a word at that time. I didn't know what to do except feeling horrid to be honest and FK just pretended nothing had happened.

The whole thing still gross me out and I do not think I will never talk to/meet/contact in any of form with FK again.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I told the whole incident to one of my friend and he told me that is not count as a molestation. He told me molestation should involved more touching and squeezing. A kiss is not anything like that at all. But I did feel offended by it! Do you guys think that is molestation at all or I am just over reacting?

Met a very nice new firend.......through an annoying friend.

winter is not that bad after all

Its not that much snow this year...

I met this new friend M through my friend FK last Saturday. M is a 23 years old gay Hong Koner who just finished his degree in Hong Kong and now working in this crappy country. Although we live in different cities, after hanging out with Marc twice, I can kinda tell that we would become very good friends in the future, well, at least I would try my best to keep him as a friend, because I figured he is one of the few Chinese gay guys who actually have some comment sense, social decency and able to communicate in a more mature manner.

On the other hand, FK, a 25 year-old Chinese realtor, is the annoying friend. The reason I've never mentioned him here before here in this blog is because he is extremely annoying, it would just get on my nerves if I ever mention anything that he did to me. But whatever, I am going to talk about him right here right now and it would be the only time I will talk about him here. First thing first, he likes me, really likes me, which I didn't notice when I first met him through my friend T, who I have talked about in my earlier blog entries and had brought me into stupid drama before. FK is not handsome at not all but he has this geek look that I quite like when I met him. He is rather quiet when I first met him and that's why it took us half of a year to move on to actually chatting on internet. Once we started chatting I kinda figured out that he likes me. So we moved on to chatting on phone and start "dating". However, after our second date, I decided to stop. Why? keep reading

The first date was okay. However, at the second date, he told me he wanted to watch the movie I have already watched, which is a single man, and asked me if I mind to watch it again with him. It was a very nice movie indeed, so I didn't mind watching it again. Then he told me he had this coupons so I would not need to pay. I thought it was great and fair for me to go to see a movie that I have seen with him. However, When we were going to to have supper before watching the movie, he suggested that I might want to pay for the supper because he paid for the movie. But the thing is, in fact, he didn't really pay for the movie, okay? that was a coupon, and even if he did pay by actually money I still think it was fair for him to pay because I was, in fact, watching a movie that I have watched with him, it was kinda an offer. I can't believe he was "thick skin" enough to ask me to pay for the supper. I didn't seem to have an opinion to refuse it, so I paid. And that supper turned out cost more then that two movie tickets. I wasn't trying to be calculating and I wouldn't have problem with paying half and half for everything including the ticket. but what he did is just not the way it should work.

There's more. On my 25 year-old bday party, He came to my party an hour early. I really didn't know what's in his mind but I have to say I staying with him along was just so creepy since I had no interest in him anymore and started to notice he is a cyberstalker. He looked at my youtube account and murmured, "oh, so your youtube account is xxxxx...." the thing is, he didn't say it in a naughty tone and try to sounds like he was joking, he said it as he has discovered some secret info about me and really will cyberstalk me....THAT'S CREPPY!! OKAY??? god... That's why I will never show him my blog. Oh, I forget to say, he brought all the food that he bought to the party back home without saying a word. Why he did is just weird. That's actually alot more, but I decided I might want to stop here so it won't gross myself out.