Met a very nice new firend.......through an annoying friend.

winter is not that bad after all

Its not that much snow this year...

I met this new friend M through my friend FK last Saturday. M is a 23 years old gay Hong Koner who just finished his degree in Hong Kong and now working in this crappy country. Although we live in different cities, after hanging out with Marc twice, I can kinda tell that we would become very good friends in the future, well, at least I would try my best to keep him as a friend, because I figured he is one of the few Chinese gay guys who actually have some comment sense, social decency and able to communicate in a more mature manner.

On the other hand, FK, a 25 year-old Chinese realtor, is the annoying friend. The reason I've never mentioned him here before here in this blog is because he is extremely annoying, it would just get on my nerves if I ever mention anything that he did to me. But whatever, I am going to talk about him right here right now and it would be the only time I will talk about him here. First thing first, he likes me, really likes me, which I didn't notice when I first met him through my friend T, who I have talked about in my earlier blog entries and had brought me into stupid drama before. FK is not handsome at not all but he has this geek look that I quite like when I met him. He is rather quiet when I first met him and that's why it took us half of a year to move on to actually chatting on internet. Once we started chatting I kinda figured out that he likes me. So we moved on to chatting on phone and start "dating". However, after our second date, I decided to stop. Why? keep reading

The first date was okay. However, at the second date, he told me he wanted to watch the movie I have already watched, which is a single man, and asked me if I mind to watch it again with him. It was a very nice movie indeed, so I didn't mind watching it again. Then he told me he had this coupons so I would not need to pay. I thought it was great and fair for me to go to see a movie that I have seen with him. However, When we were going to to have supper before watching the movie, he suggested that I might want to pay for the supper because he paid for the movie. But the thing is, in fact, he didn't really pay for the movie, okay? that was a coupon, and even if he did pay by actually money I still think it was fair for him to pay because I was, in fact, watching a movie that I have watched with him, it was kinda an offer. I can't believe he was "thick skin" enough to ask me to pay for the supper. I didn't seem to have an opinion to refuse it, so I paid. And that supper turned out cost more then that two movie tickets. I wasn't trying to be calculating and I wouldn't have problem with paying half and half for everything including the ticket. but what he did is just not the way it should work.

There's more. On my 25 year-old bday party, He came to my party an hour early. I really didn't know what's in his mind but I have to say I staying with him along was just so creepy since I had no interest in him anymore and started to notice he is a cyberstalker. He looked at my youtube account and murmured, "oh, so your youtube account is xxxxx...." the thing is, he didn't say it in a naughty tone and try to sounds like he was joking, he said it as he has discovered some secret info about me and really will cyberstalk me....THAT'S CREPPY!! OKAY??? god... That's why I will never show him my blog. Oh, I forget to say, he brought all the food that he bought to the party back home without saying a word. Why he did is just weird. That's actually alot more, but I decided I might want to stop here so it won't gross myself out.

lets Talk about music!

I always have a feeling that Sunday should be quiet and artistic.

I think this is the first time I talk about Music in this blog ever. The reason I don't usually talk about music here is not only because I don't think I am knowledgeable enough to talk about it but also I am a very outdated person in terms of meeting new music and very bad at keeping up the music trend. I always notice famous songs that after they got very popular for a long period of time.

I like most kind of music as long as its not too creepy (oh, I've listened to some weird voodoo witch music, its just terrifying!). I love Pop, Jazz, Hip hop, classical, Rnb, Trip hop, Techno, house, Dance...etc I am just not a big fun of metal stuff (but I love Dragon Force!).

But anyway, I still think it will be great to share the music that I like in this blog. I will try introducing one song and artist one at a time. They might be one that you are or ain’t familiar with. I would also like to explore different kinds of new music with you guys too. you guys are welcome to show me music that you like! send me songs by email and I will listen to it and talk about it here.

Lets swimming in the sea of music together!

Well, the first one, I decided to introduce the one I really like, I am sure most of the people are no stranger to his name, he is definitely one of the most talented singer out there, he name is Rufus Wainwright.

Rufus Wainwright is an openly gay singer-song writer, son of the singer-song writer Loudon Wainwright III and was born in New York then lived to Montreal, Canada for most of this childhood with his mother. His sister is Martha Wainwright, a singer-song writer as well. He started his music career in Canada then US. However, his music receives much better critics and review in European countries then in US, which I personally think its strongly due to his music style, which is heavily influenced by classical, opera, folk and new age music. The song “Going to a Town”, in this latest album “Release the stars”, expressed exactly how he is tired of America culture.

However, Instead of “Going to Town”, the song I want to introduce today is “Memphis Skyline”, in his fourth album want two, not only because the song itself is so heavenly beautiful and emotionally moving, but it also has a sorrowful story behind it. The song was written to pay tribute to Jeff Buckley, who Rufus envied with because of Jeff’s popularity when Rufus met him. However, later on he regretted it and felt sad about didn’t have a chance to sing with him before Jeff drowned himself into death in the Mississippi River near Memphis. Therefore he named the song “Memphis Skyline”.

He've never lost a key in his live performance .

Dating an eighteen-year-old (2)

I have a feeling that a lot of people is waiting for the rest of this story.

so, here you go!!

please read dating an eighteen-year-old (1) before you read this post

One condition I made before accepting this invitation is that he had to pay for the supper, I am an ass hole i know, but I do have reason tho. The reason I wanted him to pay is because if he wants to be my top/boyfriend in his age, he really has to do a bit more then other older-then-me guy to prove me he can handle a guy that much older then him. It's totally unfair, but its just something he needs to do if he really want this date. I wasn't being that brutal anyway, I told him he has to pick the restaurant as well so he could choose somewhere inexpensive to go.

Eventually he chose this Japaneses restaurant that he has never been and near where I live. That Japanese restaurant was very neat with a very minimal interior decorations which is a good sign of a authentic japanese cuisine. The menu is actually not that impressive and it doesn't have a broad range of variety of food, I wasn't that disappointed because sometimes that is a good sign of a quality Japanese restaurant as well. Since that restaurant seems to be quite famous for their sushi and they only one chose of sushi dish on the menu (I am not talking about rolls), so I ordered that. Appearenly that is the most expensive dish on the menu, which is like $20. He panicked!! I am sure He was nervous when he saw the price. But honestly, I think that's more then reasonable if they offer good sushi.

"hmmm......chicken teriyaki....hmmm...I wonder if its with the miso soup....." he murmured, when he was deciding what to order.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? who would order chicken teriyaki in a decent japanese restaurant for supper, may be lunch, but definitely not supper. I was sure he worried the cost.

"Order the same thing as me, you came here for the sushi right?" I said, "It's okay, I could pay my own meal, it's important for you to order what you want."

Then he decided to order the sushi plate as well and dismissed my suggestion of paying my own bill.
The sushi turned out to be great, the cut of the fish is very good, most of them are belly cuts except the tuna, but its just hard to have nice fatty tuna outside japan. However, the portion is very small, it might be big enough for a tiny lady but definitely not enough for a grown up men like us. After he paid the bills I suggested to go to an other Japanese restaurant to continue eating and that will be on me.

Did he said anything stupid on the date?

yes he did

Me: So you just believe whatever on the net don't you
Sam: no I don't
Me: Have you heard of the internet myth about growing kittens in a vase and selling it in japan?
Sam: yes, but that is different, that's a fact
Me: OMG, that is a well known internet hoax, how could you believe that is true?? and you DO believe ANYTHING on the net.
Sam: It's a fact! what are you talking about? It's documentary fact and theres photo to prove it, and the web site who record it call the bonsai kitten. (he tried to sound academic here as you can tell)

we kept arguing on that for a while.....

Me: Okay, then find me the web site on your iphone
Sam: Okay

(few seconds later)

Sam: I can't, Its been pulled off (of course, cuz that's a fake site you dump ass)
Me: okay, if that is a fact then find me a reliable news website about this incident.

(few seconds later)

Sam: Oh............oh..........(his voice turning small).....the bonsai kitten thing is a hoax.......you are right

This is how dump he is.

extend reading:
the bonsai kitten hoax

Help them now, if you can.

God bless Haitian.

Do what you can, if you financially unavailable, you can still pray for them
Donate: +1 773 360 0205
http://hopeforhaitinow.org

Today is not my day, But it's okay.

There's only one sun,
but it travels the world every day.
This sun is all mine and I won't give it away!

- Marina Tsvetaeva

I've heard! I wear! but because I thought it was so insignificant I didn't keep in mind who said it, the thing that he said was:

"The only motivation for me to continue to live my life is when I look in the sky, I see the sun"

When I heard it I thought that was totally bullshit and I thought this guy was just being pretentious and trying to be sentimental. I just couldn't believe how a person's life can be inspired by the existent of the sun unless he/she is astronomer. But, today, I experienced the same fantastic sense of touch as the quote above described. I was touched, moved, soothed, when I looked at the sun.

I was so stressed yesterday night mainly because I felt like I can't even finish the thing that I've started, like the my work permit application, the portfolio, website...etc. At that moment, I desperately need an accomplishment, something easy, something don't need lots of effort yet the out come would be remarkable or beneficial. Therefore I started my study for the test of the driver's license, which I should have done ages ago, at the middle of the night. I was pretty tired after the intensive studying. Then I spoke to my sister in Hong Kong for a while, which later I realized I should never have, because the conversation turned out to be very unpleasant and exhausting. My sister is just a very sensitive girl who is VERY easily found things offensive, and it just makes her very hard to talk to sometimes. I spent almost half of the airtime on the phone trying explaining myself rather then actual chatting. The entire conversations consumed a lot more energy than I thought it would be. I was totally, literally exhausted, yet I couldn't sleep because of the conversation, and it was 4a.m.

I woke up at 9a.m. in the morning, which is rather early for me. I felt so refreshing as I walked down the street and under the gentle sun beam, I knew I was ready for the challenge, yes, by challenge, I meant the written driving test that I just decided to do the yesterday. Right before I got in the licensing department I realized I didn't have enough cash for the test so I went to the closest, still far even it's the closest, ATM to withdraw some cash, however, it didn't work. My Bank card just won allow me to withdraw anyway money from it, so I had to walk even further to the branch to fix the issue. Apparently someone was trying to steal my card info so the card locked itself automatically. After all the hassle I finally went back to the licensing department. As soon as I got in the building, I asked the receptionist where the department is and she told me the department has moved, three years ago, to, ironically, somewhere near by the bank that I had just visited. Apparently not all the info on my study guide was correct. After all the walking and suffering, I no longer felt refreshing and my steps were heavy. Then I wrote the test. It wasn't hard, at all, but I must say it was terrifying to wait for the result, especially the officer would actually call them by name and tell the person if he/she pass or fail in front of ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE TESTING ROOM. Failing is not terrifying, you just need another 10 bucks to retake it, but letting others know that you are failing is absolutely terrifying. Trust me, people do fail the test, like half half of them. I am glad that I passed it, otherwise I don't know if I would have the courage to take it again. After I walked out the department, I was still feeling dizzy and heavy. Then I looked into the sky, I saw the sun, it seemed like its telling me everything is okay now. The electric just suddenly went thought my whole body. Then I thought about the poem and that thing that whoever have said, I was touched.

Having a hard time? It's okay, at lease when you look up, the sun is still there.



I treated myself in a jazz bar for supper tonight!




This song just matched my mood


There's only one sun, a short film directed by Wong Kar Wai

Things that I'm doing and thinking about not doing 21-1-2010

I was in the school's computer lap all night yesterday. I had to go there because I needed some of the documents to be scanned for my online work permit application. I am so stressed out by the whole application thing because It seems it would take forever for me to complete. One of the trouble I'm having is my address. I have moved to this new place for like a month already but I still haven't received any mails yet, neither nor my roommate who moved in around the same time as me, therefore I am not a 100 percent sure that address I've got in my hand is absolutely correct and I don't want to put a wrong address on such an important application. Thus I sent myself two letters on Monday and yesterday to confirm if my address is correct. I still haven't gotten the Monday one so I am nervous, now I am waiting for the one I sent yesterday.

Of course I wouldn't go to school just for the scan. I went for the computer as well. My tiny design college has the latest Mac and fastest internet I've experienced. I downloaded tons of "stuffs", almost 10G of them, lol, while I was watching those Dreamweaver tutorials on youtube.

This is one of them, I was be so skeptical when I heard the voice over is a voice of a kid, but it turned out it wasn't as bad as I expected.

I spoke to my mother later yesterday night about my plan to go to London. She simply told me that she doesn't think it's an good idea. She gave me loads of reasons why I shouldn't go but I really can't pay any attention to her because of my disappointment. Eventually I have to ask her to stop and tell her is okay if she thinks its not an good idea, if she doesn't want me to go, I won't and I won't even try argue about it either since I am still using her money. I really wasn't mad at her or anything, I was just disappointed. I was hoping that she did't take it the wrong way and think I was mad at her so I changed the topic, but I still sounded gloomy, I knew it but I just can't help it. One interesting thing about the conversation is when she asked me why I wanted to go. I told her I have friends there I want to visit, then she said to me why can't I just ask him to come over to visit me. I was like, "huh?", few seconds later I finally understand what she meant. She probably thought I want to go to UK is because of W. I didn't bother to explain to her me and W are no long together. Anyway, so, my plan has to dropped again and I guess if I really want to go to UK i have to get my own money, and that motivate me to finish my permit application and my portfolio and found a job asap.

ohhhhh.....I just changed the banner...do you guys like it?

Things that I'm doing and thinking about doing. 19-1-2010

ohhhh!!! I have so much things I want to do!


I am reading Twilight right now...I've never watched the movie, because I think it looks super silly, the only reason I read the book is because the English in it is easy enough for me to read. By the way, although I don't like the movie, I still think Robert Pattinson is rather hot, especially after hearing the rumors about he never showers.....lol, it just hot. (oh yea, I am dirty!)

I am also reading this book too, on writing well, a quite famous book that written by William Zinsser. I am hoping I could writer better after reading it.

I thought about going to England again, more seriously this time. The plan of going to England has always been there since last year. The main reason I dropped the plan last summer is because I had to wait for my study visa to process and the broke up with W also mattered too. That's why I went to Vancouver instead. I thought about that after I finished all the classes last mouth as well, but then I had to found a place to move and to take care all the packing and moving. Moreover, when I finally finished all the courses I started feeling guilty about continuously spending my parents money, especially I've told them I will use the money very carefully and would not want to ask them for money again. They actually told me not to worry about the money several times as long as I use them carefully, I think its very kind of them but I do feel guilty about it and i just want to found a job as soon as possible, so, I dropped the plan again. Now, a month later, I am still working on my work permit application and without a job. I am thinking it actually might be a good time to do during this the time that after I send the application and before I look for the job. I do have several friends in UK I want to visit, like Ri and W and some other friends too. Plus the timing is good as well, the low season allows me to get cheapest tickets. I hope I would have a decision in few days after checking the price and asking my parents opinion.

I also thinking making a Youtube channel, but just dont know what would it be like...I am not even sure if i should do it in English or Chinese.........any ideas?


How could you not love London....these are pictures I've taken 2 years ago when I was in London

oh, I never know this cover exist until today, its so amazing!!!

Dating an 18-year-old. (1)

Oh man, I don't even know where to start.

About a year ago, there was this random white dude added me on facebook. I don't usually add people I don't know in person on facebook but I made a exception on that one. We were nothing more then just random facebook buddies who would leave comments to each others photos occasionally. We weren't even friends so we've never actually chatted and I didn't even know if he is gay or not. Until a week ago he added me on msn, he told me he just moved to the city where I am currently living in and he wanted to date me because he think I am extremely cute. It was very straight forward indeed. I would love to date him if he is not that much younger, well, I've always known he is younger but just didn't know he is that young, 18, are you serious? and the thing is, I am almost sure he is a bottom from his look (like a cutesy emo boy look and always in his tight women jeans just like I do), why would I date a 18-year-old bottom? However, within this three day's chatting, he kept trying to prove me how much of a Top he is, a dominant one, he constantly reinforced. He would say the most nasty things to me to prove to me how "mature" he is, sexually. Honestly, I was a bit turned on by those nasty words but I would never let him know I was turned on by them. In fact, well, if he was telling me the truth, he actually had so much more sex experience then I ever had. He told me his first time was 14. It was just crazy. My first time was fucking 20. I just can't believe how horny this generation's teenagers are. Anyway, he kept asking me for a date and I kept rejecting with the same reason, which is "you are too young", every time when he hears it he told me who shallow I am and how I shouldn't limit myself by the age.

Am I really shallow? Is age really just a game of numbers and only mentality should count? or the idea of men should always be bigger, stronger, older, smarter is inborn in our mind that we just can't resist?

I even told W about this. It was kinda weird, because that was the first time I've ever brought up a topic about dating an other guy. He told me the same thing about I should be open to that and he actually told me I should try to date him but just don't tell him all the details. Then I started thinking maybe I should give it a try to prove I can be "open" too, but I still wasn't sure because some times he does sound like a kid, a kid who wants to talk like a adult. Until 3 days ago, he told me he wanted to guess what kind of person I would want to be with in an relationship.

This is what he said:
Sam=18-year-old boy P=25-year-old Princesm

Sam: You like to be treated gentlemanly, you like to be paid for, but you like to retain some independance.. You like to be talked to sweetly as opposed to harshly. You like to be held
P: okay, tell me more
Sam: Lol.. You like to be cared for but you also are subservient. You like to cook for a man and you like to be appreciated for your talents.
P: I also like to stand tiptoe and kiss a man who is teller then me
P: okay, i will give you a chance
Sam: that's so cute.. That's one of my fave things about shorter guys!

So, we went on a date the following day

to be continued...

It's complicated a movie review

Sigh...I wanted to write so much movie reviews! like the movie A single man, which is directed by Tom Ford. However, Since I watched "It's complicated" and I genuinely love it, I do have a strong motivation to write a review of this nice movie.

okay, lets talk about the story. I am not going to spoil the movie by telling the whole storyline, all I can say is the story is strong and solid, yet I still hear people who in the forum are complaining about how unrealistic the setting of the movie was. The movie was set in a upper-class family who live in Santa Barbara, California. Jane, portrayed by Meryl Streep, own a FANCY bakery shop and her ex-husband, Jake, portrayed by Alec baldwin, is a successful lawyer. I do agree with that accusation in some degree since all the characters don't seem to have anything to worry about except their relationship state and if they don't have enough to drink, yet, I don't think it affects the thing that this very movie wants to tell their audiences, because this kind of complication in relationship does exist in every level of living, and it the fact that this old couple are successful just makes them have less side factors to concern about and be able to think and act in a mature way. (think about if Jane is just a poor women who have to rise three children herself, would she even need to think about if her husband tell her he wants to go back to her?).

One the thing that I really enjoy in this movie is all the characters actually think, especially Jane, unlike most of the Hollywood movie characters who only think in one direction, the character would think about why she does certain things the situation, she doubt, she hesitated and Meryl's delivered it perfectly. Other actors, such as Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, also did a very good job in this movie. I just have to say I love this sort of old people movie. Yes, the characters suffered in the movie, but they also know how to enjoy their live. Seeing those characters were easy to be impressed by every little thing, like having chocolate croissant and smoking pot, makes me very happy too. I have to say although the situation of these two old couple is complicated, the way that the story is narrated is very articulate, and the complicated situation came very naturally by the weave of different events and emotions. The other good things about this two hours long movie is it doesn't even have a single boring moment, and there are lots of humors scenes and they would just make you burst into laughter. However, the only negative thing I want to say about this movie, which is not even a big deal, is since the scenes are so tightly arranged, few scenes were cut so suddenly from sad to humors and from humors to sad, sometime you would just found yourself riding on a emotional roller coaster, but over all it is still one of the this best dramas of it's kind. I really recommend it. Oh, lastly.....humm......I personally, found John Krasinski very very very cute in this movie, I've never watch The Office, I dont know how he's like in The office , but in this movie, he is just how I want my boyfriend to be!!!!!!!!!!!!awwwwwwwwww >w< (sorry, I'm a bit of an idiot here!! but i can't help myself!)

Love in the club?

There is 365 days in a year so if you divide it into weeks it would have around 51.4 weeks a year. If we go clubbing in all the Fridays and Saturdays, then, including new year and X'mas party, there are approximately 106 clubbing nights a year. People go to clubbing for different reasons, some go there just for fun, some for the music and dance, some for the drama, some for ONS, and, some of them actually look for love. but

Is there love in the club?

A lot of you guys must be laughing at me when you see I even raise this question. There is no love in the club seem to be such an universal truth that every body should have known and I should have known it earlier, way earlier. The main reason I used to believed in it is because of W. I met W in a club in Hong Kong when I was 22 and before that, I didn't believe in love in the club as well. Therefore I was being so skeptical about him, but it turned out he is one of the most decent homosexual human being I have ever met in my life (except the part of how he deals with relationship). Meeting him changed my view of meeting people in the club and that also made me felt like I can see something that other people do not see. You know, it actually feels pretty good to think you have an insight others don't have. But today, after going through so many disappointments, although I don't want to, I have to say that I lost my faith in founding love club anymore. Of course there are exceptions, see how I met W, but the probability of that seems to share the same rate of getting winning a lottery ticket. So, instead of sitting and waiting to win the lottery, why don't we do something constructive? I am not shame of being used to believe such thing as well, this is what youth about? having faith in something silly, even ridiculous sometimes. Therefore, I would suggest you should keep believing in whatever you are believing, time, not me or any books, will tell you what is right in your life. life just would be more fun that way.

happy birthday to me!

Today is my 25 year old birthday!!

This is the first photo result if you type in "Birthday" in google image

In the past week I have successfully ignored the fact that my 25 year old b-day is coming. I'm actually surprised I would be so unexcited by my birthday since I used to be very excited about my own birthday. Although that strategy is a bit silly but it did help me to enjoy my last bit of 24 instead of having the 25 years old OLD panic. However, the consequence of the stupid strategy is I am not able to get any one to have supper with my tonight since it is so last minutes. Well, its true that its abit lonely for me but my friends are going to make it up for me this week, so its better.

Although I didn't get any one to celebrate with me today but I did get quite a lot of greeting calls from my friends including my ex W. He called me on skype and said his happy b-day then we played TV games together for a while. While we were on skype T called and he wanted to talk about tomorrow's made up b-day lunch. When I picked up the phone I kinda used a cutesy tone to talk to him. After I hang up the phone W immediately went, "WHO WAS THAT? WHY DID YOU TALK TO HIM WITH THE CUTESY TONE????", he was totally over acting. I thought he was being silly so I just changed the topic. However, after few minutes of chat he asked he same question again and I was a bit piss at that moment, "THATS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS" I yelled in my mind. The relationship T and I is nothing more then just pure friendship but since I really dont care what he think about me anymore so I didn't bother to explain to him. I decided to just let him to be annoyed.

anyway!!! back to my b-day, as my wish I made in the new year day, my wish is to be a stronger, emotionally and physically and world peace!! (its not lame!!! okay!?!?)

I've moved!

Finally finished moving!

I have to say moving is actually one of the most frustrating thing in my life.

this is actually quite close to finish all the unpacking and ordering the stuff (although it still looks super messy)

Still can't sleep very well yet (yes, that thing one my bed is bubble wrap)

I actually dont feel very good about this new place mainly because the landlord is a bloody blood sucker and a drama maker, therefore I guess I would just found a better place to move when I found a job. I don't know if I've mentioned in this blog that I've just finished all the courses so I could finally look for a job now.

I had this weird dream yesterday while i was taking a nap. I woke up at a sofa in my home in Hong Kong and my mum was preparing supper. The immediate reaction I had was "oh my god, I thought I am still in XXX(the city I am living in right now)" and I was so happy to be back in Hong Kong. You could totally imagine how depressed I was when I finally woke up FOR REAL and realized I am really in XXX. So I have decided to work my butt off to finish the working experience so I can go back to HK for real.

Therefore, this dream plus my current living conditioned gives me a strong motivation to look for a job this follow months.

Moving today (before moving)

after 2 days of packing, I am finally ready (90%)!!

so messy!

I guess i will have to pore out all the unfinished wine, well, they are cheap wine anyway

the thing that I am going to miss the most is this big window, the new place where i am moving to also has a big window, but just not as big!

I am going to post an other entry when I am moved!

Moving in Two days!

I think I've mentioned that I am moving again,right?

I am actually going to move in two days! I totally do not feel like packing at all!!!!Its crazy!!!! (actually i dont feel like doing anything at all, you can tell from my update speed of this blog)

Its good that some of my stuffs still in a box since last time I moved so they are ready to go.

see the wine boxes? heehee

I had a pretty nice X'mas night this year, T and some other friends of mine came to visit at the X'mas night then we went to this Korean bar to drunk until we felt very sick (LOL). Then we kept playing sponge bob monopoly the rest of the night. We planed to go to have the boxing day shopping the next day but I was just too sick to stay at the mail. oh, by the way, the queue for just getting in Hollisters is massive(at least 40 ppl), I wonder how long the queue was for Abercrombie but I didn't want to check that out.

the next post is coming out soon, which is about some movies that i like, so stay tuned!

Merry Christmas to every one!

Although this year is still a single X'mas, but I am not dismayed. I am hopping for better next year, for every body else as well.

what should i do (part 3)

"Life is so Confusing!!"

12th Dec, Saturday, cold

I went clubbing with my newly met friends Br and Se that night. It was supposed to be a very fun night since we had so much fun last time we hanged out together. However, the night turned out to be a total mess.

When we were on the line outside the club I noticed a familiar face stood right behind me, it was "confusing Jo". Confusing Jo is a high school music teacher in his late twenties. We dated in the beginning of this year and, as his name I gave him, he is a very confusing guy who is very good at sending confusing signals. He would try very hard to let you know he like you more then just a friend but less than a boyfriend. After few weeks of meaningless dating I finally realized we were not going to anywhere so I ended it with an sms. Anyway, that night, I said hi to him but it was just totally out of politeness, i didn't even want to say a single word to him.

When we got into the club, Br immediately spotted his "kinda of" ex-boyfriend and started talking to him. Br obviously wanted to get back to him but me and Se both knew that Br was just treated as an-other-boy-in-the-club by his ex-boyfriend. Few minutes later Br was gone, who knows what happened. Se and me stayed in the club and Se suddenly asked me if i mind if he hit on confusing Jo. Of course I don't mind and even i did i know it was not my business anyway. So I was left alone. Then, I saw AM. He looked at me in the exact same way as how he did last week. Since I was just by myself so I finally decided to talk to him. However, when I actually tried to approach him he walked away. I was a bit dismayed since those kind of courage can only burst once. Therefore, I did something stupid and I deeply regarded doing it. I asked his white friends, the one he always hang out with, for his name.

"Hey, what's your friend's name?" I went

"which one" he replied

"The one with the navy blue shirt" i said to him

"why dont you ask him yourself" he said it in a annoying tone

what the hell????? did I do something wrong?????

Then AM came back to the dance floor and he didn't do anything. It's impossible that this white dude didn't tell AM I've just asked his name. so....Is he interested or is he interested not? I was so confused. In order to end this awkward situation I knew I had to talk to AM by myself. So, I asked. I am not sure if its because the music is so loud or i was too drunk. I can't hear what he said at all and they looked like they were about to leave. The only thing I heard is "stay here, i will be right back". I didn't stay in the same spot, but i was looking there, he didn't come back.

I was left even more confused.



what? what about Se and confusing Jo? oh oh oh.........did I mention that guy's name is confusing Jo?

what should I do (part 2)

5th Dec 2009, Saturday, Cold

I went to the same club alone again. I guess its was still a little bit early when I got there, there wasn't many people in the club at the time. I was drinking and dancing, then this red Hollister shirt guy (RHG) approached me. he looked quite cute in the club and It didn't take more then the one song for us to went from just staring each other to start dancing together. Four songs later we started kissing. Everything went fine until I saw AM and his friend again. At the moment, AM was looking at me, right into my eyes. Suddenly, this huge guiltiness just exploded in my head and I can't explain why. When AM looked at me, he looked at me as if i did something wrong. I tried to look at AM few times while I was dancing with RHG and every time I did I got the same look in return then I would look at the floor. I have to admit that I was so annoyed but intrigued by the whole situation and I would love to know what's in AM's mind. However, I had my RHG at the time and I can't just simply push him away since I kind of picked him too when he approached me. Therefore that night, AM and I still hadn't talked. Around 1 am, RHG asked me if i want to go to his place, the signal is obvious, and I agreed.

I was nervous indeed, not only because I've never done one-night-stand before but also because of I do not have a lot sex experience (yes, sadly). I always told myself ONS is not something wrong/ugly/dirty and it just a way that people use to fulfill their sexual need as long as they are consensual and they think they can handle the emotion fluctuation after doing it. Therefore, I thought that might be the time I should experience it.

"hey, I just want to let you know I might not be able to do that because I didn't have a lot of experience" I didn't say that to pretend to be innocent, I said that as I meant it because the last time I tried to have anal sex I had to tell that guy to pull it out after he just put his glans penis in. That's how untrained my body is.

"it's okay" he said it and looked at me, "we don't have to do it if you don't want to"

"no, i want to, it jsut.... i dont know if i could take it"

Then I went to his place and started making out on his bed. We jerked each other off for awhile then he asked me if he could top me while his put his erected penis against my butt.

However, he didn't, he just didn't. I asked him why but he didn't answer. I am not sure if it was because I hesitated when I answered his question. He just kept jerking me and he seemed like he just want the whole thing to finish. However, the thing is, I can't cum when I feel pressure (because i feel like he just want my to cum and finish the act). Therefore I stopped him and asked him if he need to work the next day. He said yes and I suggested that I might just go home. He agreed and walk me home. I do think that's quite nice of him to walk me home.

I actually think that is the best possible way of how this ONS story should end since I did try to have it (ONS) and I realized ONS is not for me and I realize it before i actually got fucked by someone I don't know so well.

but, i still don't understand why didn't he do it.........hmmmm.........any thoughts?

Love her speech

what should I do (part1)

Lets go clubbing!!! arr.....not this kind

yea, what should I do?

Do you guys still remember I was writing about this annoying dude 3 weeks ago? Actually there were more happened that night...

I actually saw this two guys that the club as well that night. One of them is an Asian mix white and the other one is a white. that They look like they are in their thirties and both of them are quite masculine (I dont usually really like masculine guys but they do look quite nice) and the fact that they acted quite shy made they even cuter. I personally prefer the white one and I noticed both of them did looked at me occasionally that night especially that Asian mix (I'm going to call him AM in post). In fact, I drew quite a few attentions that night, I can't help to think if that was because I look different since I've been working out. I was kinda wait for AM to talk to me so I dance quite close to him, in fact, we were actually dance back to back. however, this annoying duge suddenly appeared and ruin the whole thing (if you want to know more about that incident, click here). When that duge tried to flirt with me and even wanted to kiss me, AM was just dancing right beside me. I had to literally push that duge away when he leaned towards me and tried to kiss me (an other strong reason for me to push him away is to prove to AM and his friend i am not a slut, lol). AM were witnessing the whole thing. That was pretty dramatic indeed. Me and AM ended didn't talking to each other that night and I was a bit disappointed...

I thought the story would end there, but its not, i saw him in the club 2 weeks later, which I am going to talk about it in the next post, stay tuned...

quite like this song recently

Hi everybody, long time no see, i want to talk about school!!! boo!!!

I know its been a long time since my last update, it is because I had my final exams and I was very stressed in the past 2 weeks. But now all the exams are done and i can finally update my blog again!! hooray!!!!

I was so stressed about the exam last week because if i fail that course it means i will have to take an extra semester to finish my degree and that would be very stupid since that course is actually has nothing relate to my major. That class is kinda like a history class of fashion. One of the reason for choosing that class is because i thought the reading would be easier to read ( I always have trouble reading academic article, but the fact is, that class readings are so ridiculously difficult and dull and heavily loaded. There are about 20 readings in total that we have to read through out the whole class but I only read four of them and i was still playing MW2 the day before exam cuz i know i will not be able to read the rest of the reading in one night anyway, but i was still nervous. I was kinda prepared to just bull shit the entire essay question part. HOWEVER, when i saw the essay questions i almost laughed, because that two essay questions are about the readings that i have actually read, I even did a presentation on on of them. I was lucky, very lucky. Now I don't need to suffer from doubting if i could pass the course now!!yay!!!

I promise I will update more often!!!

OMG!!! me singing karaoke @ Myspace!!!

Well, for those who have already known about this myspace service please feel free to laugh at my outdated discovery. The thing is I've known they have such function for a long time but I just never eager to found out how it works because I thought it would be stupid. However, since i had nothing better to do today, I went to myspace and registered an account and downloaded the karaoke program (you need to download a program in order to make the whole thing works). Then I started to try this function out.......

IT'S SOSOSOSOSO FXXKING AMAZING!

I was so addicted to it that I spent 5 hours recording songs. The good thing about this function is the operation system is so user friendly even your 70 years old grandma would know how to use. It almost does everything that you will need for creating a cover song video, from offering lyrics, vocal on/off, video and audio recording, to uploading. All you need is a mic, cam (optional) and a computer. If you pay some money you can even change the key of the song and have vocal effect. Moreover, the song selection is really good as well. Although It doesn't have every single songs, at least they have the hit ones, for both new and old songs (I was recording "over the rainbow" for over an hour). However, it still has few things i think it need to be improved, for intense, the lyrics animation doesn't sync with the music very well and the quality of the video it record for you is rather poor (unless you pay, of cuz) and only the first 10 recordings are free and if you want to continue recording you will need to pay. The thing that worthwhile to notice is you don't need to pay at all if you just want to sing along the karaoke music, however, you can just do that in youtube as well, the point of this service really is the recording part. Therefore i am actually thinking paying for this service maybe for a month, which is like 10USD. A month is actually more then enough since my enthusiasm for such things usually lasts less then that.....

anyway, i am still addicted!!!

Myspace Karaoke website
http://ksolo.myspace.com/

Clubbing / annoying dude

I haven't been clubbing for ages. It was months ago when i went to club last time. Its not like i don't want to go but I found it the older i am the more i need a company to go to such place. However, when I was listening lady gaga while i was working out that afternoon, I had this strong feeling that i really need to go clubbing that night.

So, i went.

It was a very fun night at the club, the songs are good, the people are cute, except the fact that I was bothered by this annoying guy the whole night. This random white dude just suddenly came to me and told me I am very cute. I thought he just wanted to be friends since he told he had a boyfriend already, therefore I thought it was perfect because I could totally use a friend in the club and didn't have to worry this guy would have a crush on me since I have absolute no interest in him. However, unsurprisingly, he started acting touchy. The worst thing is there was this cute mixed dude there and we were staring at each other all night. I was kind of waiting for him to say something but it was totally ruined by this annoying guy cuz he almost kissed me in front of him and i had to literary push him away. Of course at the end this mixed guy didn't ask me anything and I have to tell that annoying guy to go away. Funny thing is that annoying guy was trying to convince me I have feeling for him. This tells me that sometimes we really have to be brutal to people we are not interested in at the club, otherwise every thing you do even pushing him away would seem like flirting to them, so let alone being nice and consider their feelings, in fact, they have no feelings, the only thing they want is fucking.

WELL WELL WELL, except this my clubbing night is actually not too bad and i am so excited when they play Lady gaga's new song - bad romance.

Heres the music video!

Meeeeeeeeeeeeee

I have been playing Call of duty: modern warfare 2 for the past few days non-stop and i still suck at this stupid shooting game. This is actually the first "first person shooting" game i have ever perched and so i am not ashamed of the fact that I am not that good at it, but, WHY WOULD I DIE SO EASILY?? whereas other online players don't seem to fall that easily like me, WHY!?!?!?!? so annoying.

W called again on Friday, the last time he called was almost 2 months ago. I felt much better when he called this time and I didn't seem to care what happened anymore so we just chatted. May be I am just so sick of giving a shit of what he did so much. We chatted for almost 2 hours, mostly boring stuff, but i guess that's not the point of this conversation. The point of this conversation is really about we can finally move on and start being friends. I really don't know if i really can just be friends with him to be honest, but I seem to be fine with it today, hell knows what I will think tomorrow.

This Korean dude makes me smile :)

My little middle finger

I was supper stressed for the past few days mainly because my roommate told me that he had to move out on January. That means if i want to stay in where i am staying I have to sign a new one-year contract with the management company but since I have too much uncertainty in my future, which i am graduating on Dec and i dont know if i could found a job here, I really can't commit that much. therefore I whether found a roommate who can sign the lease for me or found somewhere to move on Jan.

I am so SICK of moving!!!
looking for places>packing>moving>organizing
fuck fuck fuck fuck

Especially i absolutely LOVE where i am staying right now, i love this apartment in every aspect, location, price, and the quality of building...

Sign...despite I actually had few things I should be happy about, like finally I seem to find a friend and the positive feedbacks of my project, I still felt very stressed. In fact I felt even more stressed by not being able to enjoy those happy moments. I can't even eat properly after my roommate told he he had to leave. All i ate that night was a very small portion of vegetables.

Two days later, I was feeling a tiny bit better, but, still stressed, I went to the Art museum with my friend Lu because i thought Art piece might claim me down from the stress and art museum seems to be a good place to chat (feel free to hate me, art lovers). After telling her all my troubles at the art museum we decided to the shopping mall to get a birthday present for Lu's friend. It was quite cold that day so we decided to take a bus. When we were close to the bus stop we saw this bus was next to it and we started running. However, when we got there the bus driver started closing the door. Its not like the door got closed then we got there; its more like we got there then the door got closed. I was furious indeed, and the first idea that popped up in my head was that the driver was a racist. Well, you can't really blame me by thinking that because i had experienced this before, not just once. Therefore I rose my middle finger to the long-gone bus. Then I heard this guy behind yell, "hey man, don't do that, its not cool". Then i turned around and looked. I saw there were actually a bunch of people and they were waiting for the bus too then i realize the reason why the bus didn't wait for us is because the bus is full and its not because of "US". I was totally embarrassed and i really didn't know what to say. Then I received countless weird staring and I was supper uncomfortable. They much think, "OMG, this guy dress up so well but acted like a cavemen". Honestly, rising my middle finger is not something that i usually do. However, that day i was really stressed therefore i felt "everyone against/dislike me". I am not trying to make an excuse here for my rule action and i know what i did is wrong. I think this is actually a very good lesson for me to teach myself that I have to hold my temper even when i am in angry or stress, at lease before I figure things out.

anyway, I am feeling much better now regarding the housing issue, at lease i will have 2 month right?

Aunt visiting / Friend haunting in Craigslist

I have been extremely busy last week. One of the major reasons is my aunt was visiting me all the way form Hong Kong for 9 days and that means i had to take care of her in that 9 days. Please don't got me wrong, i am more then happy to take care of her since we are actually quite close, the thing is she came in the wrong time, when i have a presentation and essay due that week and an other typographic project (so now you could tell how busy i was). I was actually a little bit nervous becasue i have never had my relative stay in my place for that long and i really don't know if i would handle it especially she we have stay in the same room all the time. Fortunately, it turned out to be very pleasant a visit and she was being super understand. I originally thought 9 days was a bit long but now i really do miss her and wish she could have stayed a tiny bit longer. :(

anyway, Can you guys remember how many times I have complained that I have no friends???? seriously, i really can't remember, i just know i had complained lots.

well, after all the complaining, I've finally done something! (yay!)

I posted an ad on Craigslist saying i want to have friends (how simple!)

surprisingly i did get quite a lot of feedback and of cuz, that includes perverts replies too even i stated clearly in my ad that "if you think you might be one of those perverts then please don't reply" but you know, that kind of that do happen. LOL. After scanning all the replies i found one of them might be worth to reply to. oh, by the way, i got this straight guy's reply, saying that he wants to make friends with me. But, Honestly, i really do not think a straight guy would want to be friend with a gay gay so willingly, it really makes me think he is whether a questioning or a serial gay killer, do you guys think that sounds abnormal too? should I or shouldn't I reply him? anyway! i replied that "worth to reply to guy". After years of putting efforts on making local fiends in a western country. I do believe race is a factor when people pick their friends. However, I think that is no one's fault and thats just the way it is, especially Asian do that all the time too. Therefore when i replied him by email i attached my photos with it so that I could save me some time if he is a white gay sucker who is only looking for white gay friends. However, I got his email this evening and the context is actually quite genuine and it does make me believe he want to make friends with me and he even told me my photos are nice (of coz, i am a cute guy!!!). I just replied him before this blog entry, guys, WISH ME LUCK PLEASE!!!!!!

by the way, I successfully claimed 550 bucks from the dental insurance, yay!!

Arrrr........a weird sex dream..........

It's been awhile since last time I had a sex dream (by the way, i have never had a wet dream). Anyway, although this is obviously not the first time I have a sex dream, this time is a bit different then those ones i had before. Those sex dreams i used to have are mostly about me and my boyfriends or some faceless man. However, this time, was with one of my friend, a guy who is 5 years younger then me. I met this guy a year ago in school when I still had my computer monitor job. He often come to the computer lab and talk to me about some computer/computer game problem. He is absolutely great to hang out with and once he starts talking nothing can shut him up (sometimes it gets quite annoying). I have a feeling that he really likes me as a friend but the thing is I really don't not know deal with guys, especially younger guys. He tried to invite me to his house parties several times but I turned him down with no reasons (i dont know why). I am quite attracted to him because of his big personality, which is something I don't have and I desperately need. However, a younger dude like that is just not in my consideration at all, oh, did i mentioned that he is straight?

ANYWAY

yes, I had a sex dream about me and him. The dream was rather weird (how often do we experience "real" dreams in our life? I wonder), I appeared in this 60's looking, heavily industrialized area then i see this huge red industrialize colossus (please don't ask me whats a industrialized colossus like, i really can not describe) and I knew I have to destroy it (yea, this dream is heavily inspired by the video game "Shadow of the Colossus"). anyway, then i started to infiltrate into this colossus and suddenly I found this red shower room inside that colossus (how sexy). Then i saw him and we started making out. The sex was not clear what so ever (I am glad) and it ended pretty fast, the most weird thing about this dream is after we had sex he cut off his penis. It was rather big I have to say (LOL), I was so shocked I asked him what was he doing and he just told me it was fine and it would grow back (like a earth worm), I was scared indeed then I woke up.

colossus in the video "Shadow and colossus"

What's wrong with me? Do I actually have a crush on him that i don't even realize?? Whatever, I wish my next sex dream would be about me and some cute celebrities I like, like Ewan McGregor, Andy Samberg, Gerard Butler, Colin Firth...etc

Friends hunting

-I have decided each time when I upload a post i will post a random photo as well so my blog would not look as dull-

yes i know, that is such a brilliant idea

Bridget Jones is ironing her hair! How lovely!

The mid-term week has finally finished. sigh, finally...

how's my mid-term exam go? arrr.......lets not talk about it now

Lets talk about founding friends. I think its not the first time I mention I am actually quite lonely here in this city because most of my close friends have either gone back to Hong Kong or to other cities. I am not saying i have zero friends here but they most of them ain't really close. I guess I am the kind of people that lack of ability to make new friends. I don't want to make it sounds like an excuse, but I do believe being a International Homosexual Asian student here in a western country makes me even harder for me to know new friends, please do not tell me that is just something that created in my own head, I have experienced it myself. Nevertheless, I think the biggest challenge I have is i don't even know the where to found the "friend material" and i don't know how to increase my friend circle in this city. One of my close friend, Ri, recently got into this big University in UK for master program and she told me that the University has so many events and parties going on and people there are just very friendly and easy to make friend with, whereas my pathetic little art and design college only has snobbish designers and artists and no events like that. Honestly I envy her so much that sometimes I even wish I have chosen a bigger University so i would have more opportunity to know more friends, well, i guess its to late to say that now.

I am getting more and more desperate these few days and I finally went online and searched for some LGBT sport organizations in my area (I think it might be more comfortable for me to know more gay friends here) but it turned out they are freaking EXPENSIVE! It costs around 200USD in average to join whatever-sport-is leagues for a year (I searched for water polo league as well since the only sport I am good at is swimming, but it cost 400USD). I know the fees may actually include the rent of the gymnasium, but does it really have to cost that much? sigh....can anyone tell me when sport becomes such a luxurious activities to practice?

I recently talked to A (who is living in the other side of the earth) about this issue and she told me this same old story about how that kind of things would just happen in the most natural way and we don't really have to do much to get it (just like love). However, I've also been told that I hadn't been putting enough effort to make new friends. So, can anyone tell me how much effort i should put in order to keep this amazing balance between trying to hard and not trying hard enough?

sigh....

I am so stressed

I don't want to make this blog as a twitter blog, but, i am stressed!!!!!!

i have my exam tomorrow but i don't want to study!!!!!!!!!!

the blog will have regular post again once i finish my exam........

Recent Princesm - Super frustrated....

I can only do point form in this frustrating sentiment.

- One assignment due next Thursday for type class, which i still have "made" anything
- Mid-Term Exam of the class "Art and Fashion", which i still haven't read all the readings
- Just paid 600 bucks for Dental
- The transit took 2 tickets from me today
- forgot my lock for locker in YMCA, paid an extra 2bucks for the shitty YMCA lock.

Why me?

I really can't wait...Final Fantasy XIII just looks amazing

TGS is on right now so I can't really not talk about games.

I am so excited to see all the news of Final Fantasy XIII !!!

The Final Fantasy franchise is one my a favorite amount other games. I started playing FF when FFVIII came out (unfortunately not FFVII) and I just fail in love with it once I played it. However, the new FF franchise, which is FFXIII, seems to have the longest developing time in the game history (I think the only one that could compare with it is the GT franchise)

I really hope the characters in FFXIII will be able to change their weapons (I want to use polearms!!!) but it does seems to have such an opinion according to what I saw \(T _T)/

Moreover, every Summon in this generation seem to have the ability to transform into different transportation, like motor bike, house, sports car...etc.

Anyway, The English version of the game is not coming out until next year spring and since SE is notorious for their delay in releasing date, I guess by the time I could actually play it it will be about next year summer....

Here's the new trailer of the game(released in TGS '09")